Dear Elizabeth

Do you know why sometimes I’m fierce and scolds you even though you are only five years old?

Do you know why I keep telling you to be a good person when you grow up, to learn how to love mei mei and love your family, to be strong and to try and learn how to solve the many little problems that you faced?

It’s not because I’m angry at you or I think you are doing something wrong, not because I don’t love you anymore and not because you are not a good girl.

It’s because you are exactly like me. Like papa.

Papa is exactly like you. Sometimes I’m scared but I pretend I’m not. Sometimes I act selfish and tell myself I’m not selfish. Sometimes I also do things very slowly even when people keep chasing me. Sometimes I forget to do the things I’m supposed to do. Sometimes I doubt myself so much and I don’t think I can do it. Sometimes I keep everything inside and don’t tell anyone. But this only makes me unhappy and more tired.

That’s why I don’t want you to be like me. 

Shall we both work harder to become a better person? 

Sometimes when papa is not a good papa, can you remind me to do better and work harder? And sometimes when you forget our promise today or throw a tantrum, I’ll remind you too.

Promise, and I love you.

 ABOUT TIME 

 

I've just finished re-watching the movie About Time,

And it reminded me greatly about a lot of things that I've forgotten or kept hidden in the recesses,

About a lot of things that I think I'm doing right,

But which I'm not and have not.

I cant remember what I had felt then, 

Or whether there were any little epiphanies,

The first time I watched this years ago.

I definitely felt it this time round.

The clarity, oh the clarity...

I looked at the table outside and instead of seeing little bits of paper strips and hearts,

Wildly strewn all over,

I saw my daughters' imprints and fleeting images of their childhood,

The little joys that we had shared together cutting, gluing and folding stuff.

Gently, 

I reminded my wife that very soon,

These two girls wont be cutting up pieces of paper hearts anymore,

And that we need to be more present in the moment,

Instead of sometimes feeling that it is a chore to jaga them while the other is busy.

I'm suddenly feeling so much guilt and tugging of heartstrings,

Simply because I've not been the role model for my daughters,

That I thought I was or wished to be.

 

A wrong road is sometimes paved with good intentions.

 

All I wanted for Elizabeth is to not be like me,

Except that she is very much like me,

All my flaws and all.

I see it so clearly,

My pride, my pretended nonchalance, my sensitivities, my insecurities, my many veils and facades...

Instead of being harsh to her and hoping she learns from my 'teachings',

Maybe all she needs is my love and understanding,

To show her that I believe in her and will always support her.

That I know she needs to undertake her own journey;

One with many trials and tribulations,

And difficult and heartbreaking days,

Wrought by wrong choices,

And sometimes blinded by pride,

Or patched over by indifference and ennui,

With sprinkles of sunshine and rainbows in between.

 

Everyone needs to go through these,

To build that moral compass,

For your heart to truly feel, resonate, to empathize, to open up,

Not from words spoken or unspoken,

But to know inherently what is right and what is wrong to you,

To not bend the knee when we need to stand tall and firm,

To be confident and love the person that we are,

Flaws and all. 

Because only when we learn to accept and love ourselves,

Can we truly love someone else.

 

This Small Hand

Until you let go of this hand that you're holding so tightly,
I will stand by you.
Run around and dream with confidence, my baby,
Whenever you fall,
I will be with you.
I know you will let go of this hand,
And fly away someday.
In case the world tires you out,
Don't forget there is a place where you can always return.

Silent Melancholy of Men

Two years ago,

On a dusty wind-swept street of Taiwan,

Words from friends pierced through the many veils and barriers that I have placed over the years,

Right through to the abyss of my heart,

Where all my fears and regrets have been tangled and hidden from even myself.

Two years ago,

On a return flight from Taiwan,

Regretful tears cascaded down.

I was still not half the man that I wanted to be.

Two years later,

Sitting along a bustling roadside eatery in Vietnam,

Five friends shared about their burdens, regrets and challenges.

The silent melancholy of men was heard,

And hearts become intertwined;

Sharing each other’s load,

And becoming each other’s anguish and pain. 

Despite the sheen, the poise, the demeanour, that we exude daily,

We are still just a man.

We are fallible.

We make mistakes.

Many times and over and over again.

We carry our burdens,

And sometimes carry others' burdens too,

As a leader would. 

We cry tears too,

Often silently and in our hearts.

Yet we fight on.

For we cannot be seen as weak in the societal roles that we play.

We don’t talk about these often enough,

Yet we want to be heard.

We also play the role of a son.

And sometimes because of these two words: 证明,
We want to do too many things,

We get lost in the wilderness, 

We deviate from our paths.

We work hard for approvals,

And view it as love.

And when it is withheld,

We burn, we pine and we perish.

We just want to be loved,

By people close and near.

A child wants to make the parents proud,

But all the parents want,

Is for the child to be happy.

Two years later,

On a return flight from Vietnam,

I stifle a sniffle,

And soldier on.

I Will Be The Light

3 months ago,
I desperately asked for a chance:
Let me walk in the light.
I have strayed from the light so many times.
I made up excuses to assuage myself.
I ran and ran and did nothing.

The fervent wishing suddenly morphed,
Into a concrete understanding and belief -
I will walk in the light.
Suddenly,
The light behind the glowing molten door didn’t seem so far away and unreachable anymore.
I’m basking in the light.

Let me be the light.
The enlightenment transcends.
Heart opened,
A strange overwhelming desire engulfed me.
Can I really be the light?
For those close and near.

I will be the light.
I can be the safe harbour.
I can be the gentle moonlight.
I can be the silent sunshine.
I can be the invisible hand.
I can and I will.

So this is how almost dying feels like.

The Plane ✈️ 

On such a return journey,

Seated at the back of a plane,

All previous thoughts consolidated,

My regrets became reflections at once.

Emotions stirred 
And churned within me,

Hidden tears flowed,

Every word I read,

Every thought battered my heart,

Manifesting with such clarity,

All that was wrong with my life.

I have never been so emotional in my life.

Never.

A friend on the trip,

(I paused and trembled at the thought of what he said,

Several pauses and holding back of unabashed tears later)

Said "You have so many regretful knots inside of you, 
You can be so much more the man if they are untied".

Another friend nodded knowingly.

I had become so transparent.

I had become so vulnerable.

I had become so real.

No longer hiding behind so many veils and facades.

I had not understood the importance of that dinner, 
That conversation, 
That moment.

Not until now.

Standing outside on the dusty, wind-swept Taipei street, 

I said that my life has only one real breakthrough -

That leap of faith, 

That stifling of pride,

That brandishing of courage that years of regret had buried,

That pursuit of love relentlessly.

It was at that moment that I fully understood 
What "nothing is impossible if you really want it" means.

It also means I finally found the meaning of love.

One breakthrough in thirty-five years.

I could have done so much better.

Everyone around me could have been so much better off.

My father once told me that 成家 precedes 立业, 
Simply because once our hearts are settled, 
We can focus on crafting our careers.

I thought I should focus on 立业 now, 
Since I have already married the love of my life.

But right at this moment,

I knew,

That I have not 成家, 
Because marriage does not automatically equate 成家.

I need to work so much more on my marriage,
So that it could truly transcend 
The intertwining of two hearts 
And that silvery visage.

Right at this moment,

I also fully realized the error of my ways,

My wanton neglect of family, health, work, friends and mind.

I (might have) understood why another friend suddenly cried so hard at the club.

I understood what my parents have been telling me all these years.

I understood that my self-explained excuses are a form of escaping.

I understood that I still dabble in dots and dashes while thinking I am painting with broad strong strokes.

An Epiphany - The Journey, The Process, The People

We are all trying to forge our own paths,
Shape our destinies,
Pierce through the fog of uncertainty,
Of unspoken burdens,
Of something bigger than ourselves;
Striving for an understanding and breakthrough,
In Self,
In Traditions,
In the greater Purpose,
Of why we are here,
Who we are,
The roles we play,
Our vision that will ultimately determine our view.

In this journey of self-discovery and boundaries-pushing,
We all have different motivations,
Different challenges,
Different paths,
Yet it seems we are all on the same odyssey,
Sharing each other's burdens, fears and successes;
Parallel arteries that diverge and intertwine,
Hearts that vibrate to the same iron string,
Accepting the company of contemporaries,
The connection of events,
The lack of bombast and vanity.

Moments like this will never replicate,
In its entirety.
Fleet-footed transience sculpt the most beautiful memories;
Reminiscence and its fragility,
The two sides of yearning and gaiety.

Here we are,
Meandering streams,
Making our way to the sea,
Nourished by each raindrop that delicately ripples the surface,
Appreciating the sun's daily arduous journey across the sky,
Marveling at the way night imperceptibly fills up the day.

Youth and its follies.
Life and its ironies.
Perspective and its rose-tinted hue.
Beginnings and their ends;
Ending points are sometimes actually starting points.

You Are More Than Words (最Good Boy就是你)

You Are More Than Words (最Good Boy就是你)

We lost Furby today.

A dog that has brought so much happiness into our lives;
A dog that is always cheerful unless there are thunderstorms;
A dog that has accompanied us through major moments;
A dog that has left his messy paw-prints in our hearts;
A dog that we consider the baby of the family;
A dog that dislike other dogs;
A dog that I ran over with a car and survived;
A dog that is unafraid of injections;
A dog that helms the fort when we are not at home;
A dog that is the epitome of focus and unwavering single-mindedness;
A dog that taught us how to be kind and caring;
An adorable, handsome, greedy, sleepy, brave dog.


I wish Furby knows how to open doors;
I wish Furby knows how to go downstairs and bring up a cup of water;
I wish Furby knows how to switch on the heater;
I wish Furby knows how to drive a car;
I wish Furby knows how to cook maggie mee;
I wish Furby can tell us how he feels sometimes;
I wish Furby knows that we all miss him;
I wish Furby don't blame us for letting him go before his time;
I wish Furby didn't have to suffer and feel pain;
I wish I know why he struggled to stand up and look at us while we said our goodbyes;
I wish that he didn't feel abandoned when we left;
I wish he could have a bit more time with us...
I wish...

Unabashed Feelings

It seems that only when I experience sudden, unexpected epiphanies,
That words start flowing from my soul again.
Words that had abandoned me,
In my bliss,
In my tedium dis-interest,
In my wilderness wanderings.

Words,
Heartfelt words,
After such long absences,
Nourished my soul,
Like a dried-up riverbed,
Feeling the cool, returning streams again.
Like the perpetual moon,
Silently guiding me home.

Courage,
To profess your love,
To admit your shortcomings,
To accept your failures,
To lay down your pride,
To persist in the face of adversity,
To rise from stupor, ennui and inertia,
To start again from scratch,
To tear down walls and veils,
To take on new challenges,
To face your hidden fears.

The sheer amount of unreal, fake, unscrupulous people that I have met in the business world,
Have slowly but surely made me the cynical and jaded man today.
Yet,
In the short duration of this business course,
My faith in humanity, decency and passion is rekindled again.

Regret,
Is too simple a word,
Too painful a word,
To describe how I feel when I look back on my lack of pursuit and excellence in academia.
Ashamed is more appropriate.
I dallied and dabbled throughout my education,
Throughout my life;
Unaware that I had the opportunity so many didn't have.
I have studied so much,
Yet learned so little.

I see so many successful people here,
In terms of their businesses,
In terms of taking charge of their lives,
Yet they have such unwavering passion for learning,
For wanting to take on new challenges;
Whether it is a new way of seeing things,
Whether it is conducted in a language they are weak in,
Whether it is to tear down something they have built in order to create something new.
When you are supposedly at the pinnacle of your success,
When you are supposedly near the sunset of your life,
You embrace and pursue as if at Life's infancy.
That is courage that so many young people don't have, me included.
That is a courage that I very much admire and endeavour to learn from.

I have learned so much.
I have also unlearned so much.
 
Yet it is only the beginning of a journey,
One in which I am the protaganist,
Where I have to play so many parts,
From now till the end;
To be the beacon for so many ships,
To be the safe harbour for so many loved ones,
To be the one to make difficult decisions,
To put away Self, Vanity and Glory.

I just want to say thank you.

Because,
Throughout this learning journey,
You have not judged me,
You have guided me without reservations,
You have shared Life's lessons with me in hope that I heed them,
And not make the same mistakes you made.
 

What are you most afraid of?

Disappointing my loved ones.
That's what.
Self-destruction while I'm on this topic.

I feel sad.

Friendships - Gained and Lost

Sometimes in Life,
We got to take a step back and re-evaluate,
Our priorities in Life.
Essentially,
Every man is an island,
No one is truly altruistic.

For me,
Friendship is of paramount importance.
Loyalty and Brotherhood shape the person that I am today.
That's why I feel extremely bothered, concerned and ultimately,
Saddened,
When I project into the future,
And all I see are friendships being tested and lost.
I will try my best and ensure that my bleak assessment don't materialise.
While it will may be inevitable,
That bonds may not be as strong as before,
With each passing phase of Life,
The basis on which our friendships are forged,
Should not be forgotten and left to dissipate.

I can only hope,
And do my best.

Sometimes,
Adversity can bring out the best or worst in a person.
We shall see.
It shouldn't be that fragile,
But Reality is harsh.
We got to accept that.

It'll be weird...

This phrase keeps haunting me,
Like an albatross that refuses to go away.

Signs

Sometimes,
In Life,
We got to learn how to read signs.
Learning how to read signs is just the start.
Following the signs you have read from random events and/or quotes,
Are quite another matter altogether.
It requires courage at times.
It requires foolishness sometimes.
It requires another sign for you to follow the first sign most of the time.
Stop thinking.
Stop deliberating.
Stop being wishy-washy.
Just do it!
Are you afraid to be the same in valour,
As you are in words?

how happy is the blameless vestal's lot

Life is one big circle and one big irony,
Where we go one big round,
And find that our end point was actually our starting point,
And realising that it's the journey that matters afterall.

Fate is one big inexplicable ferris wheel,
Where we peer out of transparent glass panes,
And wished we were somewhere else,
With someone else,
Yet deep down,
We knew we are already where we wanted to be,
Our links to people pre-destined,
And that all things happen for a reason.

Love is.....
The moment of stark unadulterated joy of freedom.
The moment where the river finally meets the sea,
After meandering an arduous journey across chiselled terrains.
The moment wintry frost melts with Spring's infancy.
The moment where time stood still,
And we are encased and entrapped in an endearing cocoon,
Safe, snug and secure.
The moment where their eyes met,
And everyone else disappeared.
The moment where he smiled in his heart,
And she smiled a seraphic resplendent smile in return.
The moment we decide to take a plunge,
A leap of faith into invariable depths of hurt, loss and pain,
Just to love someone.

MMG

n_n

Getting Old
I can feel it.
It started with the strained arm and shoulder on Sunday.
It's continuing with the badly sprained leg today.

Age is catching up.
A third of my life has passed by,
Resigned to mere recollection of memories of yester-years.

For all the meandering and drifting,
I have faith that the river will reach the sea eventually.

There may be questions,
There may be doubts,
Faith and trust will glow brighter with time.

Trust Thyself,
Every Heart Vibrates To That Iron String

Tapas

It was a good session.
To be able to say what I felt,
To listen to what you feel.

We all make choices in life.
Just don't understand why we cant replicate it in any business endeavours.
I feel it's risky,
You don't.
Belief.
Confidence.
That's all that matters, isn't it?
And of course,
Passion.

It's also sad to get the feeling that friendships,
Despite all these years of nurturing,
Trials and tribulations,
Are so fucking fragile.

Yet,
I'm the romantic sort.
I think that,
Another few years down the road,
We'll look back at this episode,
And laugh at ourselves,
And chide each other,
For the pettiness,
And ego and pride,
And temporary blindness...

I truly believe so.
We've been through quite a bit,
To let such a small thing upset the balance.
When push comes to shove,
When we are down and out,
We'll know who will be there,
And who won't.
In the end, it's all that matters.

Mirror In Between

It's been like a dream,
This past week.
The unreality of it all.

From the crest of a wave,
Top of the world,
To the plummeting depths,
And washed aground.

Trance-like,
I wonder:
What if my dreams mirror my waking thoughts?
How then do I differentiate?

In the end,
When the dust has settled,
All that matters,
Are the simple truths in a tangled web of complexity.
Nothing else matters...

Tempest

Life's like that isn't it?

A triple whammy in the middle of the night.
While a thunderstorm is raging outside,
(Making Furby frightened as hell),
An inner tempest is churning.

The electrifying and dizzying tumult outside,
Mirrors what I am feeling inside.

As long as you believe in me,
I will find the courage,
Somehow.

The storm has passed,
But the storm-ravaged land will still take some time to recover.
The sun will shine,
But time is still needed to dry up all the rain.

I Am Sorry

I am sorry for the hurt I have caused you.
I am sorry for the terrible words I have used on you.
On that fateful day - Aug 18th.

It had hurt me as much as it hurt you.
The words haunted me much longer than they have haunted you.
It impacts me right till now.
I replayed the scene so many times over and over,
Thinking of how I could have remedied the situation.
But I cannot.
For things have happened,
Words exchanged,
Insults traded,
Relationship charred.
I cannot undo the past nor the hurt.

The internal agony and sadness that I felt,
When I came to know about your pain and anger,
And how much I had hurt you,
Totally made the earlier issues I blogged about,
So insignificant and irrelevant.

I was relieved that you returned safely.
I was glad to see you.
I was happy that you called me on my birthday.
All these I did not convey.
Nor show.

Like everyone else,
I need to remind myself,
To practice what I preach.
For it is so easy,
To slip in the comfort zone,
Thinking everyone will be around forever,
And then taking them for granted.

Nobody will be.
They'll be gone before you can say tell them.
What you feel today should be said and acted upon today.
Tomorrow doesn't always come.
Sometimes not quickly enough.
A chance lost may not always be recovered.

Re-thinking what you said,
I am almost overwhelmed.
Yes, I agree.
I am a failure.
Of my own life.
This I admit.
And I seek to change.

I guess we both have the same kind of stubbornness,
And indignant righteousness in us,
To do such extreme things,
Than to bow to convenience.
Such personal pride.

Blood is always thicker than water.
I believe in that.
I also believe when no one believes in me,
You all would.
This is because I would believe in you,
Your character,
Your values and principles,
Over what anyone else says.

Dear sis,
I love you.
I really do.

Dear T

T,
I feel your pain of having someone close who chooses to doubt you,
At the first instance.
Love is a choice.
Choose to love.
Even if it brings pain and sorrow sometimes.
That's how we know we are truly living.

I have been behind this shield for so long.
What I feel and think,
All hidden.
The real me - hidden.
The vulnerable me - hidden.
No one knows the real me.
Sometimes not even myself.

I chose to open up recently,
To expose my vulnerabilities for all to see and criticize.
It's not because I'm stronger.
It's because I no longer want to portray just half the person that I am.
What you see is what you get.

Yet,
The more I reveal,
The more vulnerable I get.
And it doesn't help,
That it is at this precise moment,
I become judged.
By people close and near.
By people whom I thought should know better.
Ironic isn't it?

It's the same when you open your heart to someone else,
Whom you thought you can trust,
Who turns out to hurt you the most.

I can take this hurt.
I can take these transgressions.
For I had chosen to open up.
And I will continue to do so,
Step by step.

King Lear

In this age and day,
It takes just suspicions,
And not proof,
To destabilise,
The very foundation of a friendship or relationship,
Which had taken so long to nurture,
And of which so much had transpired and have been shared.

Is trust so old-school, passe and over-rated?
Is friendship really so fragile?
Are seeds of discord so easily sown between two friends?

People hear distorted truths from someone else who heard it from someone else,
And believe readily.
Does context matter anymore?
Does the protagonist have any say in things at all?

Here I am,
Standing accused;
A man more accused of than accusing.
I rage, I burn...
Ultimately,
I am saddened.
For which I hold at the most valued,
Is seen not with the same value.

A wise man sees not the same tree a fool does.
A friend judges not the transgressions of another friend.

I have not judged you.

Everyone can think what they want of me.
They are entitled to.
But to the people who matter most,
You should know better.

说好的幸福呢?

Of all things,
It all hinges upon a receipt.

From the ashes,
A phoenix always rises.

We look without seeing,
We hear without listening,
We feel without really realising,
We say without really thinking,
We love without really showing.

a little clarification

Little Epiphanies in Life

Today,
I had an infuriatingly exasperating debate with T,
My colleague.
He was conventional,
An old-school Romantic,
In his thoughts and examples.
I almost went berserk halfway,
He could have just walked out from a black-and-white movie;
But after years of training in the human condition,
I opened up and eased up.
I listened to his thoughts and views on how the world should be,
Why it is what it is,
Why people act the way they do,
How guys and gals are different,
Etc.
It was a breath of fresh air actually.
I'm sick of those people who say not what they feel,
But what they should say,
What is suitable for the different situations.
You see someone smiling,
But we all know s/he is not smiling nor happy.
I may not totally agree with T on what he said,
But at least he had conviction and belief when he articulates his opinions.
How many times have I heard mouthpieces echoing the thoughts of their bosses?

T gave me another dimension to my current conundrum.
Advice is free,
Just dish them out.
I'm excellent at dishing them out,
At analyzing people's problems,
But when woe betide me,
It's like using a telescope to scrutinize a microscopic issue.
Or the other way round;
Like using a microscope to analyze the Universe.
Either way,
I end up hopelessly clueless,
And mired deeper in the quagmire.

Life has a funny way of getting back at us.

I have had things too easy in my life.
This made me the person I am right now.
Courageous in words,
But lacking in valour.
I've never had to work hard for anything.

T is right when he asked if I could really do certain things.
He scoffed when I said I could.
Actions speak louder.
Stop reflecting and writing.
Start acting.

Y was right when he asked what can I bring to the table?
What is my value?

The little epiphanies in life are in essence,
Gleaned from the commonplace,
The simple and homely.

I shall leave what D commented to another day,
Or let it fizzle with time.
For now,
I have work to complete.

Since my HP is down,
I've decided to do an experiment.

I'm staying handphone free for 1 week...
We'll see what happens...

The Workplace And Its Many Lessons

It's 930pm and I'm still in office.
Finishing up on work,
And wondering if I should go mambo tonight...

Tomorrow will be a duper long day if I do.

Had an insightful discussion on the many facets of Life with two colleagues just now.
I'm slowly learning that we gotta each make our choices,
And let the choices make us.

Played a practical joke on colleagues today,
It wasn't funny to some.
Maybe I should tone down such "jokes".
It's a thin line really,
Not clearly demarcated nor marked.

Well,
We all see things through different lenses
Some darkly,
Some rosy,
Some tinted.

baby steps

Righting The Wrongs

The drive back home after all the music and alcohol,
Always bring out the emptiness and loneliness.

When friends depart,
When the artificiality and superficiality are stripped away,
When the intoxication dissipates,
When reality sets in,
One cannot lie to the person in the mirror.

I feel exactly what I'm feeling,
I cannot hide from my own inquisition.

Yet I cannot answer my own questions.
I cannot allay my own anxieties.
I cannot fathom my own decisions.

I burn, I pine, I perish.
I wish, I hope, I regret.

Life is too short.
To not act upon my heart's desires.
It took me 26 years to realise.

Are you afraid to be the same in your own act and valour,
As you are in desire?

Yes I am.
I'm afraid.
I'm apprehensive.
All my life,
I've lacked courage when it matters.

Courage is not scaling the highest mountain;
It is not plunging into that icy river.
Adrenalin enables us to do that.

Courage is facing your own fears,
Striving to conquer them,
Against your better judgement.

The Regretful Blues

For someone who seems to have it all,
In actual fact,
He has nothing.

Tonight is a blue blue night.
It doesn't matter that the moon is hanging,
Nor does stars shining intrigue me.

I cannot sleep.
I cant be bothered about this.
I cant be bothered about anything else.

才離開沒多久就開始
擔心今天的妳過得好不好
整個畫面是妳
想妳想的睡不著
嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣
還有在妳身上香香的味道
我的快樂是妳
想妳想的都會笑
沒有妳在我有多難熬
沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬
穿過雲層
我試著努力向妳奔跑
愛才送到
妳卻已在別人懷抱
就是開不了口讓她知道
我一定會呵護著妳也逗妳笑
妳對我有多重要
我後悔沒讓妳知道
安靜的聽妳撒嬌
看妳睡著一直到老
就是開不了口讓她知道
就是那麼簡單幾句我辦不到
整顆心懸在半空我只能夠遠遠看著
這些我都做得到但那個人已經不是我

As Midnight Approaches

The sky is aglow,
Sinister-red,
Overcast with ashen clouds.
Molten street lights flicker,
Fluttering of a bat's wings,
Invisible shadows lurking at every corner,
Chills from an unsentimental night.

A solitary figure runs.

Seeking who he is,
Who he can be,
And who he will be.

Pondering his very existence,
And running in circles,
He reaches his end point
- His starting point.

Weary and no closer,
To what he thinks he seeks.

Deep down,
He already knew.
He just didn't have the courage,
To leap rather than walk,
To proclaim rather than speak,
To listen rather than hear,
To feel rather than suppress,
To ruminate rather than idle,
To act rather than hesitate,
To love rather than regret.

All his life,
He pretended,
To be strong,
To be nonchalant.
To be or not to be?

Courage is about facing your fears,
Conquering them,
Comprehending them.
For it is human to fear the unknown.
It is also human to love the unknown.

On such a night,
He ran an arduous avenue,
Besieged by untold memories,
Hazy images,
Neglected feelings.

The passing of midnight came swiftly and silently,
Ghosting past,
Fading like a spectre in the dark.

On such a night,
Filled with meditations,
Armed with words,
He wrote.

He seeks not the end point,
But the journey.
For it is through the process,
Where he felt anguish, despair and fatigue,
That he truly lived.
It makes the end point feels like deliverance and salvation,
Rather than a requiem.

An Ode To My Wunderful Colleagues

Where does one begin?

You are the sinful sugary saccharine dessert that completes a meal;
You are the source of gossips that make lunches infinitely more interesting;
You bring sanity to the nonsensical world of KPIs and dreary meetings;
You are the invisible hand that gently guides and prods;
You are the filtered sunlight that provides just enough warmth;
You are the accommodating victim of my terribly lame jokes;
You bring back pieces of another land for everyone every holiday;
You are the silent totem of support that lights a lonely wind-swept street;
You are the MOMer that accumulates an abundance of annual leave by working every single day!
Your wishes and company makes growing older so much more bearable.

Like the misty showers of rain,
It is the finality and the transient nature of joy,
That makes it so hard to attain,
Yet so immeasurably gratifying.

Of Furby

I absolutely adore Furbs!

Nothing beats him for pure happiness,
When you see him bouncing up and down,
Wagging his tail furiously,
With those bright lazy eyes of his,
Gazing longingly at his snack area above the shoe cupboard,
After a long day from work.

Of course he gets fat!
How can anyone not feed him when he looks at you like that!?

A Little Emptiness

Deep within,
In a slow torment,
A tempest rises,
Clouding what should have been clear.
A void that's faceless,
An emptiness that's relentless.
Insistence, resistance and persistence.
Oh! How I have pretended!
An empty shell is me.
Like clockwork!
I see the world,
But it does not see me back.
I feel the world,
But it does not feel me back.

I tasted blood,
My own.
I felt pain,
My heart.

Encased in the silence of a cold room,
The man is cold too.
The heart beats,
With cynicism and fear,
For it is lost and wandering.
Through the ages,
And woods of experience.
Somewhere, Somehow...
It has lost what it was searching for,
What propels it forward thus then,
Is merely the notion of fulfillment,
The ecstasy of finally knowing what to seek,
And the contentment of finding.
Crossroads abound,
By the wayside many have fallen.

In such troubled times,
There's no one to hear my calls.
Soldiering on,
The mist which veils,
The footpath which trips,
The light that flickers dimly,
It is but emptiness and solitude.

The aftermath of a party often leaves one with such feelings.

New (Heart) Blood Come Tide

As i was telling Wenqi,
We are all like driftwood,
Meandering down the stream of life;
Direction-less,
Buffeted by the curvatures and undulation of terrains.

Beyond our control;
Afraid to struggle,
Yet drowning in waves of pragmatism and practicality.
We dont risk;
We dont venture out on paths less travelled.
We walk on the safe side of the road;
We dont dare to tell people our wildest dreams,
For fear of ridicule,
For we know it's merely a fantasy.
We dont park on double-yellowed lines,
For we fear the Fatimahs.
We queue up in orderly lines,
And we expect the same orderliness from everyone else.
We maintain a posterior of reservation when faced with something new,
Are we that jaded?
We check out the latest accident on the lane beside us,
Just to take down the numbers and speculate on the actual chain of events.
We buy the latest gadget just because someone else has them;
The LVs, the COACHes, the TIFFANYs, the GUCCIs, the iPods.
We all need someone to listen to us ramble on and on about nothing,
But we dont stop to listen.
We all know we must end this ennui and indolence,
But the currents are too strong and we are too weak to swim against them.
We all know she is the wrong one for us,
Yet we persist in digging up a hole to jump into.
We indulge in sentimentalism and reminiscence,
We think about what might have been;
What if???
We call strangers friends.
And friends?
We dont keep in touch as much as we should have.
There's always tomorrow to catch up.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
We take our family and home for granted.
We get irritated when parents nag.
We dont come home for lunches and dinners anymore.
We dont talk anymore.
We delight in comparing the contact list in our facebook.
We wallow in self-gratification when people send us virtual gifts or 'poke' us.
How many of them are true?
How many are acquaintances?
We pretend to like the songs that everybody else likes.
We are concerned by people's comments when these people dont mean anything to us.
We judge others as they judge us with deluded self-righteousness.
We give to charity just for that immunity sticker.
Those school kids holding tin cans compare whose is heavier.
Is charity artificial?
We think losing a football match all the time is alright.
We have tried, havent we?
Have we?
Is our best good enough?
We make the same mistakes,
We gloss over them with opinions that the other team is better.
They are faster, they are fitter, they are younger, they are more skillful.
We make up excuses to cover our shortcomings.
Yet we dont strive to improve.
We dont think how to improve.
We change formations and positions hoping that things will work out.
In the playing field of life,
Do we play like that?
We model ourselves upon others,
So much that we lose our own identity.
We become our boss's mouthpiece,
Eschewing our true opinions.
We become apologists.

We become someone else.

Such Liberation, The Dashes Of Rain

The morning torrential rain was strangely liberating.
The feel of stinging cold dashes on my skin created an heightened awareness long forgotten;
What it feels like to really live and breathe.
It is just you and the elements.

Just as the rain-induced misty veil masked what was once clear,
And the rippled puddles form contorted images,
The transient nature of truths and the many facades they reside behind,
Becomes at once apparent and cloaked.

Last Published, April Eleventh

It's been almost one year.
So much has happened.
Nothing much has happened.
I've been to Tibet and back.
Spiritually intact.
I've been to Europe and back.
Friendship intact.
Loads of countries I've visited.
Yet,
I'm still me.
Despite the host of places I've visited,
The cultures I've tried to assimilated into,
The breathtaking sceneries I've captured,
I return unfazed.
Perhaps I'm too jaded,
Too nonchalant.
As I always say,
Water off a duck's back.
One year on,
I'm at a crossroad.
The major crossroad of my life.
People trivialize the word "crossroad" too much.
This is a word of change.
A word that connotes a paradigm shift in one's life.
Yes.
Indeed I am at the crossroads of my life.

Months back,
I was browsing at Borders.
I chanced upon a flimsy yellow book.
It was a cross between a diary and a calendar.
While flipping through it's coarse pages,
One and only one quote struck me.
"You are what you'll ever be at the age of twenty-five."
So simple, so poignant, so succinct.
What this phrase did to me,
Was to highlight,
In neon colours,
Everything that was wrong with my life.
Everything that I should have done but never did.
All my regrets started flooding back,
Streaming with anguish and pain at what I have missed.
Everything that I should have said,
But never did.
Those moments where I should have leapt,
But walked.
For all the hard tackler in a football game,
For all the Ah-Beng in me,
For all the nonchalant cool persona I portray,
For all the risk-taking gambles I take,
When it comes to the crunch,
I falter.
When it comes to the showdown,
I hesitate.
When push turns to shove,
I lack courage.

Are you afraid to be the same in your own act and valor as you are in desire?
Letting "I dare not" wait upon "I would".
Was the hope drunk while you dressed yourself?
Has it slept since and stirs now?
To be more than what you were,
You would be so much more the man.
Nor time nor place did you adhered,
They have thus made themselves to unmake you.

Sometimes I feel that I'm a walking contradiction.
So simple yet so complex.
Just like friendship.
Just like love.

Some people think friendship is over-rated.
When you are married;
Start your own family;
Friendship is supposed to take a backseat to career and family.
We are not even talking about your own mother and father and sister and brother.
Your wife and kids become of paramount importance.
Who needs real friends anyway?
We are too preoccupied with work and loans and kids and wife.
What friends?
No time.
Not free.
I dont want.
Some dont even wait till after marriage to think so.
The little signs that we exhibit when we were kids,
Of our priorities in life,
Are exactly manifested in adulthood.
We become obsessed with money and status and fame and reputation,
Just like we were obsessed with grades and girls and grades and girls.

Give every man thine ear,
But few thine voice.
Take each man's censure,
But reserve thy judgement.

We choose.
We decide.
We prioritise.
We act.
We speak.
What's unsaid and undone and unchosen and unvalued hurts the most.

When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear times' waste:
Then can i drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancelled woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanished sight:
Then can I grieve at grievances forgone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell over
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think of you, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.

A toast to all,
Dear friends,
Who have crossed my life,
Left their marks,
Walked with me,
Laughed and cried with me,
And are still walking with me.

A Little Nondescript Regret

It's been 4 days since the birthday party.
Something's been nagging at the recesses of my brilliant yet indolent mind.
Nudging and poking.
Well,
It's nothing much really.
It transpired that we re-shared lots of old fond memories:
Of the hilarious times,
The naughty times,
The rebellious times,
The unhappy times,
The sad times,
The petty quarrels,
The supposed fights that seemed more shouting (and things throwing) than flailing limbs and wanton violence...
Anyway,
I was just thinking back on my own growing process,
And I realised that I made quite a drastic change in my interaction with the guys,
And it was done with a strong focus on avoiding petty squabbles (and fights),
Which had unfortunately tainted earlier parts of our lives,
And fortunately,
We took them like men do,
Laughed them off then and now,
For we all have our weaknesses and strengths,
For we have been part of each others growing and maturing processes,
For we have laughed and cried together.
Well...
Technically,
We havent really cried together,
But I've seen some secretly shed tears of sorrow.
Yes.
You are one of them.
Dont look away and don your false bravado.
I guess we are all vulnerable and weak at some point in time.
I was too.
I hid behind a shield of ferocity and temperament,
And it was something I regretted,
For with true friends,
There was no need to,
And it caused more rifts than bonds.
Well,
Look at us then and now.
We never tire of repeating the same old stories and incidents.
We never tire of reminiscing past glories and glorious failures.
We never tire of those golden faux pax and ridiculous quotes.
No bitterness.
No vindictiveness.
Only expiation and obviation of past faults.
I'm the first to admit I had a quarrel/squabble with almost everyone in RECCOS.
I'm also the first to admit that I regretted every single one of them.
What is not regrettable is the fact that without these quarrels/squabbles,
We wouldnt be such great friends,
Would we?
True to a Chinese saying,
"If there's no fighting, There's no acquaintance."

Vignettes

When you climb and you fall,
Keep climbing and falling,
Does it matter how you fall?
Whether it's a wrong step,
An unstable foothold,
A loose grip.
Or a fear?
A fear of falling.
The thing is,
I feel them all.
Too many times I fall.
How long can one keep trying,
To climb when one falls all the time?
It's the same with rejection.

------------

Beauty is in the illogical.
The irrational.
If the world is functionally logical,
It will cease to amaze with its inherent beauty.
It's from the illogical,
The irrational,
That beauty emanates.

------------

When the child was a child,
It was the time for these questions:
Why am I me,
And why not you?
Why am I here,
And why not there?
When did time begin,
And where does space end?
Is life under the sun not just a dream?
Is what I see and hear and smell,
Not just an illusion of a world before the world?
Given the facts of evil and people,
Does evil really exist?
How can it be that I,
Who I am,
Didn’t exist before I came to be,
And that,
Someday,
I,
Who I am,
Will no longer be who I am?

------------

I will pluck from my tree a cherry-blossom wand,
And carry it in my merciless hand.
So I will drive you,
So bewitch your eyes,
With a beautiful thing that can never grow wise.
Light are the petals that fall from the bough,
And lighter the love that I offer you now;
In a spring day shall the tale be told,
Of the beautiful things that will never grow old.
The blossoms shall fall in the night wind,
And I will leave you so,
In kind:
Eternal in beauty,
Are short-lived flowers,
Eternal in beauty,
These exquisite hours.

So Much...

I've got so much feelings,
Emotions,
Thoughts,
Fears,
Apprehensions,
Swirling inside me right now,
I dont know where to start.
To start dissecting them,
To start truly feeling them,
To start understanding them.
Let's start with school.
The entire last semester was one lonely and forgettable period.
There was no one to talk cock with.
No one to have lunch with.
No one to mug together with.
No one to stay overnight with.
No one to say 'Hi' to.
No one to gossip with.
No one to laugh with.
No one to KoL with.
No one to play cards with.
No one to slack with.
I could go on...
It's such a sad existence.
But I kept it all in.
I portrayed a brave front.
I walked past the clubroom, the canteen, the library, Co-Op, the corridors, the smoking areas...
And all that was left were lingering nostalgia and phantom images.
It would never be the same again.
And once again,
I was left trying to grasp what had already past,
What had already happened.
To maintain my pretended nonchalance,
I went to school only when I needed to,
And left whenever I'm done.
Yet,
At the end of the day,
It was all futile.
P told me my sentimentalism was all but 1 sem too late.
They were all over it.
It can be 10 years late,
But to me,
I would still wish myself back to those times.
How often I've wished so hard that I could go back to those periods of time,
Where I really grew up,
Where I discovered myself,
Where I shared so much good times with my friends.
It's over I guess.
NUS is a closed chapter.
What pains me most,
Is thinking of all those relationships that will eventually close as well with time.
Sad,
But inevitable.
Yes,
I am sentimental.
A lot of times,
I just cant let go.
A lot of times,
I keep everything inside me.
I dont show all those close and dear,
That I care so much about them.
It's so easy to misunderstand me as cold, unfeeling and indifferent.
I'm like that on the outside.
But the me inside is one vulnerable and sentimental sod.
That explains all the defensive mechanisms.
I really dont think there is anyone in the world who could know me 100% inside out.
And I do think it's my own doing.
The real me is masked by so much pretense,
So many walls,
It's all an unwieldy maze really.
One that I cant even navigate sometimes.
On another note,
I'm relieved and frustrated about the marathon.
Though I completed it,
It was really frustrating and excruciating.
Having cramps is no excuse in my opinion.
I had cramps the last time around too.
The last 14 km were so acutely lonely and long.
One struggle after another.
When my legs failed me,
My mind had to keep going.
When my mind faltered,
My legs had to keep going.
One km after another.
I had to talk to myself to keep going.
I had to ignore the growing pain and debilitating cramps.
I had to overcome the helplessness when I cramped up and cant walk/jog on.
A part of me didnt want to cross the finishing line.
A part of me wanted to walk on,
Through all the pain and loneliness and frustration.
Thanx for cheering me on at the end-point guys.
It made me feel better.
There's so much more I wanna say.
So much more I wanna pour out.
Yet,
I decided to keep some thoughts to myself.
As usual.
Sometimes,
Certain things dont really change.

One of those days...

How do you know it's one of those days?
One of those unspeakable days.
I got an inkling on what to expect when I woke up with terrible hair.
It was all clumped up, shapeless and unmanageable.
I suspected it,
While I was trying to finish up my work,
And had these annoying porn pop-ups that keep appearing on my screen.
Bloody Trojans!!!
It was verified when I finally finished my work,
Eager to print,
And the FUCKING printer had to object.
The bloody nerve of it.
It freaking refuses to print.
And as I'm typing now,
The pop-ups does their usual routine.
Despite the best efforts of both my sis,
Plus my thinly-veiled threats,
The printer remained stubborn.
Now what?
I gotta print my work and hand it in.
The deadline's looming.
And so I had no choice but to go school and print.
Oh, and guess what?
The library wasn't opened when I reached at 0750.
I walked over to AS7,
And the printing room wasn't opened either.
So I walked back to the lib and it was belatedly opened.
Finally...
But it had to happen.
The coms were on,
But the printers were off.
Upon checking with the 'friendly' staff,
The printers are not under their jurisdiction,
And so they cant help me.
Oh yeah?
NUS preaches excellence and initiative and innovation and creativity,
Only for its students?
Their Staff has no need for these values?
It's so difficult to switch on a couple of printers?
Crap.
So off I went,
Frustrated and Irritated.
It so happens that I've got a cousin XF living in hall,
So I gave her a call,
At an unearthly hour of 0815,
Which expectedly,
She didnt pick up.
I gave up.
I can smell it in the dusty air,
See it in the way sun-rays slant across my path,
Feel it in the way gravel keeps getting into my slippers.
I gave up.
There's no way I can win.
I drove off.
XF called.
No printer.
Expected.
Decided to vent my anger by owning some random losers on Bnet.
Then realised my Warcraft cd is with Hock.
Right.
Oh well,
A lanshop would suffice.
Bt Timah has got one,
And I'm a member.
I parked my car,
Tore off two $1 parking coupons,
And headed down the dark damp alley.
Deep down,
I already knew.
The freaking lanshop's supposed to be 24hrs.
But it was closed.
Why?
Renovation.
Wow.
I couldnt believe the magnitude of this whole divine conspiracy.
And I wasted 2 bucks on parking.
I started running.
Back to the car.
My imagination warned me that the building might collapse on me.
Anything can happen man.
And so I'm back home.
Safe and sound.
Screw the assignment.
Screw the deadline.
Screw the printer.
The only bright spark in this terrible day,
Is the sight of Furby galloping to greet me at the gate.
He's so loveable.
Life isnt that bad afterall.
And Furby got some munchies for his affection.
And I?
I hope I've turned the corner.
West Ham won last night.
After 8 consecutive defeats.
What has it gotta do with me?
Well...
My West Ham beat Man Utd in the FA Cup Semis,
In extra-time,
After going 2-0 down in the space of 4 mins.
Tevez got the winner in extra-time.
Coincidence or not?
I'm so jinxed today,
I'll take any signs that come my way.

A Human Face

In an age where money and profits reign supreme;
In a sport where unscrupulous players and agents threaten to spoil the game,
There exists a saving grace.
They say the Catalans are very proud people,
And I can fully understand where these people are coming from.
In an unprecedented move,
Barcelona has gained my respect.
AIG and Siemens paid hundred of millions to have their brand advertised on Man Utd and Madrid's jerseys.
Barcelona never had any brands emblazoned across their famous colours in their entire history.
Why?
I dunno.
Maybe it's a cultural thing.
Take a walk around the city and you will experience a new meaning to the word - Culture.
So what's new,
You ask?
Barcelona just have to nod and agree to have a sponsor,
Business opportunists would immediately jump at the chance to offer them similar deals,
Hundred of millions worth of offers would pour in.
That would add to their coffers.
But they didn't do that.
They stuck to their guns and resisted temptations for decades.
Until this season,
Where this long-held no-man's land was finally overcame.
And who exactly is this 'brand' that managed to achieve the impossible?
If you had watched the Champions League game last night,
You might stand a chance to guess it right.
I was in shock when I saw the name plastered across their stripes.
'Unicef' is the word and 'brand'.
The question is in what way is Unicef and football interlinked?
Well...
It so happens that Unicef didn't have to pay hundred of millions to Barcelona.
By a funny quirk of fate,
It's the other way round.
In fact,
Barcelona is paying Unicef several millions a year to use their name.
It is all in all a charitable gesture.
It also happens that several Barcelona players are contributing a few percent of their salary to Unicef.
Now that's what I call a human face to football.
Such a noble reason to break long-held traditions.
And that is why I applauded every single of their goals last night.
If you watch football and don't have a team to support,
Take a leap of faith with Barcelona,
For they not only entertain with their skills and passing,
But also play with their hearts on their sleeves,
And they do have such big hearts.
You'll never find Chelsea doing these sort of things.
Even if they do,
I'll question the underlying agendas and motivations.
Nuff said.

Tibet (and what it connotes)

It's been a long while since I last withdrawn my curtains,
Opened up my windows,
To the chirping birds,
The mellow rays,
The crisp morning air.
For too long,
I have been cooped up in my little room,
Playing some stupid computer game,
And enjoying the air-con.
I need a reality check.
Instead of waiting and hoping this Tibet trip does it for me,
I already got a small dose of it right now.
Now,
I finally remembered,
And how fondly,
What it means to be alive.
What it means to be able to breathe freely,
Without difficulty and breathing in clean fresh air.
What it means to perspire,
To be mortal.
What it means to be able to see,
To hear,
To smell (my flu makes it difficult to substantiate this),
To touch the keypads on the laptop,
To be able to walk smoothly,
To be able to taste.

It's also been a long while since I last blogged,
Transform my waking thoughts into words,
To articulate my views,
And to share them.
For too long,
I have been cooped up in my little world,
Of redolent ineptitude and neglectful idleness.
I didnt want a reality check,
Preferring to dream and fantasize and run away.
Run I did.
Ran a hell lot.
Now,
I finally get acquainted again,
With the unbridled joy,
Of going through my thoughts in my mind,
Registering them,
Remembering them,
Caressing them,
And coaxing them into words.

I couldnt sleep.
Tossed and turned.
The air-con was rattling away,
Making funny noises,
Which disturbed me.
I said a prayer,
For all those close and dear,
And for our safety during this trip.
I'm not in the pinkest of health for this trip,
And I'm worried.
Not so much the fact that I might suffer from breathing difficulties or such,
But rather,
Cause the whole trip to be dragged, abandoned or wasted.
I really hope not.
I sighed.
There's only so much one can hope.
Reality hits me again.
Life is really only worth living,
When we dont know what's round the corner.
It has a funny way of making simple things complicated,
Obscuring clear transparent truths in the thinnest of veils,
And surprises or shocks you at every turn.
This is what we live for,
Isnt it?
I really dont know what to expect from Tibet,
And I think it should be kept that way.
With expectations,
Comes disappointments and taking things for granted.
Life certainly shouldnt be lived this way.
Dont miss me for the 23 days that I'll be away.
Dont expect any posts here for the next 23 weeks.
And dont waste your life for the next 23 years,
Only imagining,
And not fulfilling.

I've lost... I've floundered...

I feel that I've lost a part of me of old.
A portion that loves to read,
To ruminate,
To be emotional over a phrase.
Nowadays,
All I do is Kol and Dota.
Sometimes I wonder what is the draw
And reason for doing what I do,
Or dont do.
I just cant find the necessary strength to question and delve further inside myself.
Other times,
I just feel so stagnated,
So lost.
It's as if my own life is drifting away from me.
My dreams.
My aspirations.
I'm guilty of letting them go,
Without the nuance of a struggle.
Why?
I'm asking the same question.
People ask the same question of me too.
I cannot answer.
Or perhaps,
I dont dare to answer.
Maybe I dont dare face the harsh truth.
I'm a sucker for escaping reality into the virtual world,
Where I can be anyone I want,
Where it's infinitely more flexible,
And with less pressure,
Societal or otherwise.
I have always had this strange epiphany,
Or rather a peek into a vision,
Of myself in a future doing what I love,
What makes me happy and fulfilled,
But which is unfathomable and unacceptable right now.
It's a bitter irony,
But I shall keep the irony inside me.
I've got 4 good grades for the essays that I handed in,
But ultimately I floundered with my final step,
Coz the essay that I didnt hand in will probably make me fail a module.
It's infuriating isnt it?
P will attest to that.
But I guess this bit of me will never go away;
So exasperatingly complex and brilliant.
What's the use of a moment of brilliance when I cannot sustain it?
I cannot answer this either.
Maybe I dont wish to answer this too.
Again,
So many questions,
So little answers,
The story of my life.

A New Dawn

I've finally decided to buck up.
No,
This strange phenomenon didnt happen under coercion from anyone.
No,
It wasnt influenced by any incentives from anyone.
Definitely no,
It's certainly not caused by an overwhelming guilt from too much dota.
(How can there be too much dota??)
In fact,
I havent dota-ed for quite a while.
No,
It's not because I'm sick of dota.
I guess the simplest way to describe this sudden change in attitude,
Would be that,
It slowly crept up on me,
A(n) unsuspecting me,
Engulfed me in Reality,
And I resolved.
Should my endeavour falter at times,
Just prod me and push me on.
That's all I ask.
It's not easy breaking the routine of skipping lectures and tutorials.
Life isnt easy at all.
It's a mixture of iridescent colours,
Pulsating with splendor.
To truly grasp it,
One have got to quietly immerse in it,
To 'feel' and not merely to 'see'.
Reality will let me 'feel' more instead of merely 'seeing' what really isnt there.
So there,
Resolution made.

The Awakening - A Promise

Stirrings,
Of a sleepy morning.
Twitching,
Of a slumbering puppy.
Kindling,
Of a passion thought lost.
Rousing,
Of a dispirited mind.
Vivification,
Of a forgotten blog.

I'm back!!!

NIGHT

Somewhere down the road,
I pondered.
You wondered.
Whether this is all right?
In a twinkle of starlight,
We've shared so much.
Under the lucent beams,
We laughed and cried.
The passion with which I once wrote,
Furiously,
Relentlessly,
Has come to pass.
Nothing really matters anymore,
Except you.
Except that you cant see it.
Inspiration deserts me.
Determination I never have.
Which leaves me with only Hope, Faith and Love.
They are my subsistence,
My existence,
My reality.
I cannot hope to recreate my past,
And I do not want to either.
All I want is to have a Present shared only by us,
Memories that matter only to us.
Cant you see?
I pine, I burn, I perish.
In your fire.
In our flames.
A smile from you really brightens up my day.
Your cheerfulness rubs off me.
I act silly along with you.
I'll go wherever you wanna go.
I'll do whatever you wanna do.
I'll sing whatever you wanna sing.
A tune.
A melody.
Of sweet sadness.
For you cannot be happy all the time.
And the inverse is true.
I'll feel blue when you are sad.
I'll pout when you pout.
I'll sulk when you sulk.
For we are intertwined,
Emotionally.
"Forever and a day!"
I subscribe to this maxim as well.
A day can last forever.
Forever can be over in a day.
Angles angles...
Sweet slumber seduces me.
Sweet angelic face of yours beckons.
Peace descends like turtledoves on window sills.
And all I see are ruffled hair,
A heaving bosom,
Arched body,
And a slight smile,
Of one being contended with her lot in life.
I see a mirror of myself,
In you.
Sweet dreams.