Baby Goldfish
As I listened,
The familiarity of memories;
Those sweet moments,
The nostalgia of wind-swept brush,
The churn of first times,
That electric suspense,
Oscilliating between tense hearts,
Finally culminating in a stolen kiss.
I listened still.
I remembered still,
Lingering sensations,
Soothing scents,
Hazy eyes,
Dreamy faces,
Mushroomy hair...
I smiled.
It hasnt been all smooth and saccharine,
Yet with every passionate outbursts,
I feel the strengthening of emotions,
Of bonds and links,
For the tempered calm after the storm,
Promises a brighter tomorrow.
There's so much I cant promise,
But all that I can,
I'll pledge,
With all my heart.
Rainy days,
Sunny days,
Mundane days,
Busy days,
Boring days,
Irritating days,
Bad days,
Bad hair days,
Mondays,
Birthdays,
Special days,
Everyday...
It doesnt matter one bit what day it is,
It matters that you are by my side,
For it's hard to smile without you.
Can't smile without you, Barry Manilow
You know I can't smile without you,
I can't smile without you,
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
You see,
I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If You only knew what I'm going through,
I just can't smile without you.
You came along just like a song and brightened my day,
Who'd've believe that you were part of a dream.
Now it all seems light years away,
And now you know I can't smile without you,
I can't smile without you,
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm finding it hard to do anything.
You see,
I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If you only knew what I"m going through,
I just can't smile.
Now some people say happiness takes so very long to find.
Well I'm finding it hard leaving your love behind me.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Coming to writing
In the beginning,
I adored.
What I adored was human.
Not persons;
Not totalities,
Not defined and named beings.
But signs.
Flashes of being that glanced off me,
Kindling me.
And the sign withdrew.
Vanished.
While I burned on,
And consumed myself wholly.
What had reached me,
So powerfully cast from a human body,
Was Beauty:
There was a face,
With all the mysteries inscribed,
And preserved on it;
I was before it.
I sensed that there was a beyond,
To which I had access,
An unlimited place.
The look incited me,
And also forbade me to enter;
I was outside,
In a state of animal watchfulness.
A desire was seeking its home.
I was that desire.
I was the question.
The question with this strange destiny:
To seek,
To pursue the answers that will appease it,
That will annul it.
What prompts it,
Animates it,
Makes it want to be asked,
Is the feeling that somewhere,
Once it is through the door,
There is the face that promises,
The answer for which one continues to move onward,
Because of which one can never rest,
For the love which one holds back from renouncing,
From giving in
-to death.
Yet,
What misfortune if the question should happen to meet its answer!
Its end!
In the beginning,
I adored.
What I adored was human.
Not persons;
Not totalities,
Not defined and named beings.
But signs.
Flashes of being that glanced off me,
Kindling me.
And the sign withdrew.
Vanished.
While I burned on,
And consumed myself wholly.
What had reached me,
So powerfully cast from a human body,
Was Beauty:
There was a face,
With all the mysteries inscribed,
And preserved on it;
I was before it.
I sensed that there was a beyond,
To which I had access,
An unlimited place.
The look incited me,
And also forbade me to enter;
I was outside,
In a state of animal watchfulness.
A desire was seeking its home.
I was that desire.
I was the question.
The question with this strange destiny:
To seek,
To pursue the answers that will appease it,
That will annul it.
What prompts it,
Animates it,
Makes it want to be asked,
Is the feeling that somewhere,
Once it is through the door,
There is the face that promises,
The answer for which one continues to move onward,
Because of which one can never rest,
For the love which one holds back from renouncing,
From giving in
-to death.
Yet,
What misfortune if the question should happen to meet its answer!
Its end!
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Faith
In this dark room,
Save an insignificant light,
Spins a ceiling fan.
I pretended to sleep.
The Other,
Not so.
In this guise,
My mind spun.
A broken promise,
Weighed down all happy hours.
The room seemed darker.
It felt empty.
I felt empty.
In light's absence,
I faltered.
In faith's absence,
I stumbled.
In this broken promise,
I despaired.
The fan still spins.
Nothing changed.
Save an insignificant part of my heart - my faith.
In this dark room,
Save an insignificant light,
Spins a ceiling fan.
I pretended to sleep.
The Other,
Not so.
In this guise,
My mind spun.
A broken promise,
Weighed down all happy hours.
The room seemed darker.
It felt empty.
I felt empty.
In light's absence,
I faltered.
In faith's absence,
I stumbled.
In this broken promise,
I despaired.
The fan still spins.
Nothing changed.
Save an insignificant part of my heart - my faith.
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Marathon
I completed my first marathon,
In 5 hours.
Not bad for one who didnt really train for it at all.
SW was saying we should train harder for next year's one.
Me and Jase juz shot him looks that said:
We should just train for it,
Not harder.
Now my body's aching,
My legs' seizing up every few mins,
My head's heavy,
I'll feel thirsty every half an hour,
And abrasions in areas which i shant mention.
Lucky i had nipple tapes on.
Of coz i found out a few little known facts from this marathon,
And during the course of it.
1) Do not look down on the average aunties who carries a shopping bag,
For i was overtaken by so many aunties (and uncles) en-route to the finishing line,
That i lost count.
I still remembered when the first female ran past me,
I gritted my teeth and overtook her,
But it was a very futile effort,
For she simply blew me away in the next 1 km.
2)I have never had such delight and happiness,
By juz catching sights of bananas.
After eating one,
Me and Jase held the other in our hands so tightly,
For fear of losing it,
Over the next couple of Kilometers.
Nevermind that the bananas werent ripe.
Nevermind that it's bitter and sour.
Nevermind that it refuse to be peeled.
I almost wanted to eat it skin and all.
3)Two kilometres never seemed so far away,
For I'm only motivated by the drinks stations every 2 km,
Where i can stop and walk a bit,
And gobble up my water.
But i needed to run fucking long and hard to complete just 2 km.
And that's how i finished my marathon.
2 km at a time.
4)I didnt realise how fast the kenyan runers were,
As they passed me on their return leg,
Till i took another 2 hours to get to the same location where i last saw them,
Which made me empathize with this guy,
Who was carrying a huge float and walking 42km for charity or something,
For i saw him at the 20+ km mark,
While i was halfway thru my 30+ km.
5)All sorts of thoughts went through my mind throughout the 42km.
The bananas, powergels, water, glucose and cute girls kept my body going.
Thoughts of people dear and close kept my mind going.
I felt like giving up every step of the way during the 20+ km mark,
For I cant feel my legs,
And they felt so so heavy.
I felt like crossing a divide of bushes that seperated the return leg from the one that I'm on.
But integrity kept me on the stipulated route.
6)A marathon is fucking shiong.
It reminded me of the toughest periods of my NS life,
Where my body was tested to the limits,
And my mind was in a constant struggle whether to juz give up and seek that much needed rest,
At the expense of pride and integrity.
This said,
It was a challenge I'll take up again next year.
And the year after.
And the year after.
I will try to keep less aunties from over-taking me the next time.
I will try to better my timing.
I will try to have more fun along the way.
And of coz.
I will train for it,
Hopefully,
But knowing me,
I'll juz reason:
Why train when you juz ran a marathon without training?
Well....
That's the befuddling nature of my mind.
And last of all,
Thanx Jase,
For keeping me sane throughout the 42km.
I completed my first marathon,
In 5 hours.
Not bad for one who didnt really train for it at all.
SW was saying we should train harder for next year's one.
Me and Jase juz shot him looks that said:
We should just train for it,
Not harder.
Now my body's aching,
My legs' seizing up every few mins,
My head's heavy,
I'll feel thirsty every half an hour,
And abrasions in areas which i shant mention.
Lucky i had nipple tapes on.
Of coz i found out a few little known facts from this marathon,
And during the course of it.
1) Do not look down on the average aunties who carries a shopping bag,
For i was overtaken by so many aunties (and uncles) en-route to the finishing line,
That i lost count.
I still remembered when the first female ran past me,
I gritted my teeth and overtook her,
But it was a very futile effort,
For she simply blew me away in the next 1 km.
2)I have never had such delight and happiness,
By juz catching sights of bananas.
After eating one,
Me and Jase held the other in our hands so tightly,
For fear of losing it,
Over the next couple of Kilometers.
Nevermind that the bananas werent ripe.
Nevermind that it's bitter and sour.
Nevermind that it refuse to be peeled.
I almost wanted to eat it skin and all.
3)Two kilometres never seemed so far away,
For I'm only motivated by the drinks stations every 2 km,
Where i can stop and walk a bit,
And gobble up my water.
But i needed to run fucking long and hard to complete just 2 km.
And that's how i finished my marathon.
2 km at a time.
4)I didnt realise how fast the kenyan runers were,
As they passed me on their return leg,
Till i took another 2 hours to get to the same location where i last saw them,
Which made me empathize with this guy,
Who was carrying a huge float and walking 42km for charity or something,
For i saw him at the 20+ km mark,
While i was halfway thru my 30+ km.
5)All sorts of thoughts went through my mind throughout the 42km.
The bananas, powergels, water, glucose and cute girls kept my body going.
Thoughts of people dear and close kept my mind going.
I felt like giving up every step of the way during the 20+ km mark,
For I cant feel my legs,
And they felt so so heavy.
I felt like crossing a divide of bushes that seperated the return leg from the one that I'm on.
But integrity kept me on the stipulated route.
6)A marathon is fucking shiong.
It reminded me of the toughest periods of my NS life,
Where my body was tested to the limits,
And my mind was in a constant struggle whether to juz give up and seek that much needed rest,
At the expense of pride and integrity.
This said,
It was a challenge I'll take up again next year.
And the year after.
And the year after.
I will try to keep less aunties from over-taking me the next time.
I will try to better my timing.
I will try to have more fun along the way.
And of coz.
I will train for it,
Hopefully,
But knowing me,
I'll juz reason:
Why train when you juz ran a marathon without training?
Well....
That's the befuddling nature of my mind.
And last of all,
Thanx Jase,
For keeping me sane throughout the 42km.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)