Happy Rainy Day

A dear baby goldfish has made my day with
Such thoughtfulness,
Such lovingly-wrapped packages,
Such sweet notes,
Such pretended anger,
Such coy pouts.
Ah...
Iridescent happiness...

It has not been the best of weeks,
With essays due on the 1st, 2nd, 4th and 5th,
Insufficient time to do adequate research,
And of coz the usual lack of motivation to start early.
These said,
Next week will be my hell week,
But I'm pretty sure everything will turn out fine.
I'm feeling fluish right now,
And that's coz i decided to take a slow stroll in the drizzle home,
Wrapped tightly in my jacket,
Halds in pockets,
Whistling a joyful tune.
Seeing clarity through shards of raindrops,
I rejoiced!!!
For the rainbow that's bound to appear after the rain.

The vanity of self-love

Sometimes i think i'm a bit of a narcissist.
Anyone wanna concur with me?
Or maybe i'm a vainpot as labelled by someone?

Emaciated

Today,
On my way home,
Someone i know,
Mentioned in passing,
That i look emaciated.
Once safely at home,
My dad commented that i'm damn skinny now.
Told me to look in the mirror and recognise the skeleton.
Sigh......
Am i really that skinny?
Maybe i've really lost weight.
It's been some time since i last weighed myself,
And i havent been working out dutifully.
The funny part about all this?
Most people who noticed that i 'look' skinnier,
Seem to draw their conclusions from my supposedly more protruding cheekbone.
Is a tauter cheekbone/face really a compelling sign of weight loss?
*double sigh*
I did look long and hard into the mirror,
And the eyes that looked back seem listless.
A little jaded and cynical and passionless.
And i'm all bones,
And lifeless.
It'll be exaggerating to say that i dont recognise myself in the mirror,
But i've gotta admit,
It's really hard to see oneself,
Literally.
Maybe my topsy turvy sleeping habits is catching up with me.
All those late nights,
Arent doing my well-being a whole deal of good.
I should get to bed now.
Sleep beckons.

A twitch

My right eye has been twitching the whole day,
So whoever that's been cursing me,
Please come and tell me straight in the face,
About your displeasure of me,
And i'll see that you'll leave as a satisfied customer.
But of coz,
The twitching could be coz of my lack of sleep,
Or the fact that i usually have my contacts on for more than half the day.
Anyway,
I'm feeling the heat.
So many assignments and projects to complete...
Played terribly on Sat,
Though it was a good experience.
Shall try again next sem.
For now,
My eyes desperately crave sleep.

A defence

I guess it must really take something pretty solid(and flawed),
To cajole me out of my inertia,
To finally blog some opinions again.
Was chatting with F juz now,
And a casual comment opened up a pandora's box of conflicting theories,
Of which i will try my best to explore.
"My best friend thinks I treat her better than her bf"
(Note: F is female)
Hmmm, here comes the tricky bit.
A lot of times,
Girls tend to think guys dont know how to treat them well.
Of coz we dont know!!!
We're guys, for heaven's sake!!!
We 're not biologically and emotionally attuned to understanding women and what makes them tick,
All our supposed truths are juz fallacies of some supposed few who think they've succeeded,
In understanding women and how best to treat them,
And thus those poor majority of a bunch of clueless but sincere guys,
Me included,
Are derided as copycats or stale in our approaches,
As we attain our meagre knowledge in Treating Women the Right way,
In as nonchalant a manner as possible,
Coz of our conflicting ego and pride,
From hearsays, movies, and other mediums.
The thing is,
Is there anything original still?
I havent gotten to my main point of debate yet.
F treats her gal friend(let's call her D; D for dissatisfied) better than D's bf,
Or so it seems to D anyway.
I'm being as objective as possible here,
Since i know neither D nor D's bf.
My defence of Men thus begins......
To a girl,
It's inevitable that there will arise occasions for comparisons,
And it's inherent for a girl(I'm not being sexist here) to want to compare.
However,
The comparison of her best friend's treatment of her and her bf's treatment of her,
Isnt on a level plane.
For one,
The best friend probably knows her much longer than her poor bf.
Which is thus logical for best friend to know how to treat D better.
Secondly,
They are of the same gender,
Of which her bf doesnt qualify by the mere existence of something that hangs between his legs.
(Of coz i'm simplifying here)
Women tend to understand their fellow species better isnt it!?
Thirdly,
To D it seems that her bf doesnt treat her as well as she would have liked,
Or not in the manner that she desires.
However,
Has she ever thought that her bf has already tried to the best of his abilities,
To treat her well in the manner that he knows how?
What matters is the intention and sincerity and love, is it not?
It's not as if he didnt try.
(I'm hypothesizing that he does love her and tries to treat her well genuinely)
So is he at fault if his methods do not concur with her desires?
To me,
I feel as long as the heart is true,
The methods arent half as important.
Of coz,
Disgruntled women out there would disagree:
"If he truly loves us, then wouldnt he try to learn to treat us the way we want them to?"
For their defence,
I would like to counter-question:
"Then it is from whom that we ask,
To understand that we men can probably never understand women the way they want us to?"
"Then it is from whom that we ask to be treated in the way we want to be treated?"
For if there is giving from one party,
Surely the other party has to reciprocate and give back wat they took,
Even though it can be slightly unequal.
Lastly,
Comparisons usually result in dissatisfaction,
Even though sometimes,
There isnt much to be dissatisfied about anyway.
Funnily,
For all the accusations that's being levelled at men,
For being ignorant, fragile ego-ed, unromantic etc,
Women seem to think that they know exactly what men want.
To them it's pretty simple and obvious:
Men want sex and lots of it in the process.
Sigh......
Again,
For a gender that prides themselves on knowing how to treat men the way we want to be treated,
They seem to seriously over-rate themselves.
For all their misconceptions and assumed superiority of knowledge,
I'll reveal a little of what men really wants but never say/show.

We want love;
Someone for us to love with all our heart,
And love us back in return.
We want understanding;
From someone who means the world to us,
Whose small gesture of understanding would make us undertake even the most difficult of tasks without flinching.
We want encouragement;
We seek encouragement,
For a solitary word of support and confidence,
Can bring us back from the brink of no return,
To start over anew,
To be the man that we all dream of being without the fear of failing.
We want belief;
For someone to believe in us,
For us to cling on to when the whole world turn their backs on us,
When everyone doubts us.
We want faith;
Faith that things will turn out well eventually,
Even when the going gets tough.
Faith from a cherished one,
Can split the red sea thousands of times over.
We want someone who is willing to sacrifice for us;
However small that sacrifice may be,
We would then know of her love in return,
And be willing to sacrifice more for her well-being.
We want someone who tries genuinely to make us happy;
For if we can suppress our happiness,
And try means and ways to make a girl happy,
Then we(as humans are),
Would want to be treated the same way as well,
For who doesnt want to be happy?
Happiness can come without the girl trying,
By just loving and being together,
However that girl has to be one whom we can be happy with.
We want sex.
Lot of it.
Nuff said.

And to my beam of sunshine,
Who is a bit sickly now,
Cheer up!!!
We'll go have some fun tomorrow.

Maybe that's why they called it the blues

It's been such a long long time since i last posted.
I'm at a loss as to why it is the case.
Maybe it's coz i have nothing important to say.
Maybe i dont want to to say anything.
Maybe there hasnt really been extreme emotional upheavals,
Which usually contribute to my introspections.
Anyway,
I have 5 essays due in the next few weeks,
Coupled with several more urgent projects and presentations,
And on top of that,
I'm starting to feel the stress of the impending exams,
Which obviously isnt aided by my NTU friends who are already mugging for their papers.
This time round,
My exam strategy will not be to read every single possible articles, notes and whatnots,
Which is evidently futile if nothing surfaces during the exam itself.
Instead, I'll most probably contend myself with writing outlines and timed-essays.
Of coz, in order to do so most efficiently,
I'll still need a basic grasp of concepts and examples and theories,
Plus an extensive knowledge of topics in which i'll try to specialize in.
On a good note,
Arts Open on saturday.
Cant wait to play competitive soccer,
Since RECCOS probably wont be playing this sunday due to exams.
I really hope i have the strength of mind to push through all the possible distractions,
That would definitely crop up with exams nearing.