I've lost... I've floundered...

I feel that I've lost a part of me of old.
A portion that loves to read,
To ruminate,
To be emotional over a phrase.
Nowadays,
All I do is Kol and Dota.
Sometimes I wonder what is the draw
And reason for doing what I do,
Or dont do.
I just cant find the necessary strength to question and delve further inside myself.
Other times,
I just feel so stagnated,
So lost.
It's as if my own life is drifting away from me.
My dreams.
My aspirations.
I'm guilty of letting them go,
Without the nuance of a struggle.
Why?
I'm asking the same question.
People ask the same question of me too.
I cannot answer.
Or perhaps,
I dont dare to answer.
Maybe I dont dare face the harsh truth.
I'm a sucker for escaping reality into the virtual world,
Where I can be anyone I want,
Where it's infinitely more flexible,
And with less pressure,
Societal or otherwise.
I have always had this strange epiphany,
Or rather a peek into a vision,
Of myself in a future doing what I love,
What makes me happy and fulfilled,
But which is unfathomable and unacceptable right now.
It's a bitter irony,
But I shall keep the irony inside me.
I've got 4 good grades for the essays that I handed in,
But ultimately I floundered with my final step,
Coz the essay that I didnt hand in will probably make me fail a module.
It's infuriating isnt it?
P will attest to that.
But I guess this bit of me will never go away;
So exasperatingly complex and brilliant.
What's the use of a moment of brilliance when I cannot sustain it?
I cannot answer this either.
Maybe I dont wish to answer this too.
Again,
So many questions,
So little answers,
The story of my life.