Little Epiphanies in Life

Today,
I had an infuriatingly exasperating debate with T,
My colleague.
He was conventional,
An old-school Romantic,
In his thoughts and examples.
I almost went berserk halfway,
He could have just walked out from a black-and-white movie;
But after years of training in the human condition,
I opened up and eased up.
I listened to his thoughts and views on how the world should be,
Why it is what it is,
Why people act the way they do,
How guys and gals are different,
Etc.
It was a breath of fresh air actually.
I'm sick of those people who say not what they feel,
But what they should say,
What is suitable for the different situations.
You see someone smiling,
But we all know s/he is not smiling nor happy.
I may not totally agree with T on what he said,
But at least he had conviction and belief when he articulates his opinions.
How many times have I heard mouthpieces echoing the thoughts of their bosses?

T gave me another dimension to my current conundrum.
Advice is free,
Just dish them out.
I'm excellent at dishing them out,
At analyzing people's problems,
But when woe betide me,
It's like using a telescope to scrutinize a microscopic issue.
Or the other way round;
Like using a microscope to analyze the Universe.
Either way,
I end up hopelessly clueless,
And mired deeper in the quagmire.

Life has a funny way of getting back at us.

I have had things too easy in my life.
This made me the person I am right now.
Courageous in words,
But lacking in valour.
I've never had to work hard for anything.

T is right when he asked if I could really do certain things.
He scoffed when I said I could.
Actions speak louder.
Stop reflecting and writing.
Start acting.

Y was right when he asked what can I bring to the table?
What is my value?

The little epiphanies in life are in essence,
Gleaned from the commonplace,
The simple and homely.

I shall leave what D commented to another day,
Or let it fizzle with time.
For now,
I have work to complete.

Since my HP is down,
I've decided to do an experiment.

I'm staying handphone free for 1 week...
We'll see what happens...

The Workplace And Its Many Lessons

It's 930pm and I'm still in office.
Finishing up on work,
And wondering if I should go mambo tonight...

Tomorrow will be a duper long day if I do.

Had an insightful discussion on the many facets of Life with two colleagues just now.
I'm slowly learning that we gotta each make our choices,
And let the choices make us.

Played a practical joke on colleagues today,
It wasn't funny to some.
Maybe I should tone down such "jokes".
It's a thin line really,
Not clearly demarcated nor marked.

Well,
We all see things through different lenses
Some darkly,
Some rosy,
Some tinted.

baby steps

Righting The Wrongs

The drive back home after all the music and alcohol,
Always bring out the emptiness and loneliness.

When friends depart,
When the artificiality and superficiality are stripped away,
When the intoxication dissipates,
When reality sets in,
One cannot lie to the person in the mirror.

I feel exactly what I'm feeling,
I cannot hide from my own inquisition.

Yet I cannot answer my own questions.
I cannot allay my own anxieties.
I cannot fathom my own decisions.

I burn, I pine, I perish.
I wish, I hope, I regret.

Life is too short.
To not act upon my heart's desires.
It took me 26 years to realise.

Are you afraid to be the same in your own act and valour,
As you are in desire?

Yes I am.
I'm afraid.
I'm apprehensive.
All my life,
I've lacked courage when it matters.

Courage is not scaling the highest mountain;
It is not plunging into that icy river.
Adrenalin enables us to do that.

Courage is facing your own fears,
Striving to conquer them,
Against your better judgement.

The Regretful Blues

For someone who seems to have it all,
In actual fact,
He has nothing.

Tonight is a blue blue night.
It doesn't matter that the moon is hanging,
Nor does stars shining intrigue me.

I cannot sleep.
I cant be bothered about this.
I cant be bothered about anything else.

才離開沒多久就開始
擔心今天的妳過得好不好
整個畫面是妳
想妳想的睡不著
嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣
還有在妳身上香香的味道
我的快樂是妳
想妳想的都會笑
沒有妳在我有多難熬
沒有妳在我有多難熬多煩惱
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱
沒有妳煩我有多煩惱多難熬
穿過雲層
我試著努力向妳奔跑
愛才送到
妳卻已在別人懷抱
就是開不了口讓她知道
我一定會呵護著妳也逗妳笑
妳對我有多重要
我後悔沒讓妳知道
安靜的聽妳撒嬌
看妳睡著一直到老
就是開不了口讓她知道
就是那麼簡單幾句我辦不到
整顆心懸在半空我只能夠遠遠看著
這些我都做得到但那個人已經不是我

As Midnight Approaches

The sky is aglow,
Sinister-red,
Overcast with ashen clouds.
Molten street lights flicker,
Fluttering of a bat's wings,
Invisible shadows lurking at every corner,
Chills from an unsentimental night.

A solitary figure runs.

Seeking who he is,
Who he can be,
And who he will be.

Pondering his very existence,
And running in circles,
He reaches his end point
- His starting point.

Weary and no closer,
To what he thinks he seeks.

Deep down,
He already knew.
He just didn't have the courage,
To leap rather than walk,
To proclaim rather than speak,
To listen rather than hear,
To feel rather than suppress,
To ruminate rather than idle,
To act rather than hesitate,
To love rather than regret.

All his life,
He pretended,
To be strong,
To be nonchalant.
To be or not to be?

Courage is about facing your fears,
Conquering them,
Comprehending them.
For it is human to fear the unknown.
It is also human to love the unknown.

On such a night,
He ran an arduous avenue,
Besieged by untold memories,
Hazy images,
Neglected feelings.

The passing of midnight came swiftly and silently,
Ghosting past,
Fading like a spectre in the dark.

On such a night,
Filled with meditations,
Armed with words,
He wrote.

He seeks not the end point,
But the journey.
For it is through the process,
Where he felt anguish, despair and fatigue,
That he truly lived.
It makes the end point feels like deliverance and salvation,
Rather than a requiem.