Sunday, October 15, 2017

The Plane ✈️ 

On such a return journey,
Seated at the back of a plane,
All previous thoughts consolidated,
My regrets became reflections at once.
Emotions stirred 
And churned within me,
Hidden tears flowed,
Every word I read,
Every thought battered my heart,
Manifesting with such clarity,
All that was wrong with my life.
I have never been so emotional in my life.
Never.

A friend on the trip,
(I paused and trembled at the thought of what he said,
Several pauses and holding back of unabashed tears later)
Said "You have so many regretful knots inside of you, 
You can be so much more the man if they are untied".
Another friend nodded knowingly.

I had become so transparent.
I had become so vulnerable.
I had become so real.
No longer hiding behind so many veils and facades.
I had not understood the importance of that dinner, 
That conversation, 
That moment.
Not until now.

Standing outside on the dusty, wind-swept Taipei street, 
I said that my life has only one real breakthrough -
That leap of faith, 
That stifling of pride,
That brandishing of courage that years of regret had buried,
That pursuit of love relentlessly.
It was at that moment that I fully understood 
What "nothing is impossible if you really want it" means.
It also means I finally found the meaning of love.
One breakthrough in thirty-five years.
I could have done so much better.
Everyone around me could have been so much better off.

My father once told me that 成家 precedes 立业
Simply because once our hearts are settled, 
We can focus on crafting our careers.
I thought I should focus on 立业 now
Since I have already married the love of my life.
But right at this moment,
I knew,
That I have not 成家, 
Because marriage does not automatically equate 成家.
I need to work so much more on my marriage,
So that it could truly transcend 
The intertwining of two hearts 
And that silvery visage.

Right at this moment,
I also fully realized the error of my ways,
My wanton neglect of family, health, work, friends and mind.

I (might have) understood why another friend suddenly cried so hard at the club.

I understood what my parents have been telling me all these years.

I understood that my self-explained excuses are a form of escaping.

I understood that I still dabble in dots and dashes while thinking I am painting with broad strong strokes.

Sunday, October 01, 2017

An Epiphany - The Journey, The Process, The People

We are all trying to forge our own paths,
Shape our destinies,
Pierce through the fog of uncertainty,
Of unspoken burdens,
Of something bigger than ourselves;
Striving for an understanding and breakthrough,
In Self,
In Traditions,
In the greater Purpose,
Of why we are here,
Who we are,
The roles we play,
Our vision that will ultimately determine our view.

In this journey of self-discovery and boundaries-pushing,
We all have different motivations,
Different challenges,
Different paths,
Yet it seems we are all on the same odyssey,
Sharing each other's burdens, fears and successes;
Parallel arteries that diverge and intertwine,
Hearts that vibrate to the same iron string,
Accepting the company of contemporaries,
The connection of events,
The lack of bombast and vanity.

Moments like this will never replicate,
In its entirety.
Fleet-footed transience sculpt the most beautiful memories;
Reminiscence and its fragility,
The two sides of yearning and gaiety.

Here we are,
Meandering streams,
Making our way to the sea,
Nourished by each raindrop that delicately ripples the surface,
Appreciating the sun's daily arduous journey across the sky,
Marveling at the way night imperceptibly fills up the day.

Youth and its follies.
Life and its ironies.
Perspective and its rose-tinted hue.
Beginnings and their ends;
Ending points are sometimes actually starting points.