A Decade

It's been 10 years.
10 long years.
10 short years.
10 years of friendship.
10 years of soccer.
10 years of growing up.
10 years of changes.
10 years of continuity.
I look forward to many more to come.
More soccer to be played.
More football to be watched.
More fantasy leagues to be discussed.
More crap to be exchanged.
More profanities to be hurled.
More kopi sessions.
More bonding.
More laughters.
More tears.
More fustrations.
More self-pitying.

A soft sigh left my lips as I typed.
Heavy is my heart.
Despite all the smiles and laughters during dinner,
The tug at the bottom of my heart remains taut and unyielding.
To understand someone is really difficult.
Sometimes,
We don't bother to even make an effort to get past all the superficialities.
However,
To really know someone,
Presumes that the someone is willing to be known by you.
1 year on,
And I'm still second-guessing,
Even though my instincts are usually spot on.
I can read the signs,
But that's not good enough.
1 year on,
And I need to pre-empt.
I dont run away from the 1st sign of trouble.
I'm a fighter.
Yet,
Sometimes,
I dont even know what exactly I'm fighting against.
I do know why I'm fighting;
For someone so important to me.
However,
Tenacity cannot last forever,
For fatigue will creep in,
For doubts will germinate,
In time to come,
And in these seeds of doubt,
Will grow an unwieldly forest of vacuums,
Chasms of emptiness,
Where nothing resides,
Where nothing is linked,
Where two hearts reach out in vain,
Trying to connect,
And feeling only gulfs of insurmountable space.
To choose;
To be or not to be?
I dont know anymore.
Every skepticism makes me doubt,
Every pessimism dilutes my beliefs,
Every act of surrender,
Of giving up,
Hurts me more,
And weakens my resolve.
Can I take 1 more blow?
I do not know.
All I know is that I'm a fighter.
But even the best fighter loses sometimes.
I cannot fight alone.
For unity is strength.
As long as one does not give up,
There is still a chance,
However slight it may be.