Mirror In Between

It's been like a dream,
This past week.
The unreality of it all.

From the crest of a wave,
Top of the world,
To the plummeting depths,
And washed aground.

Trance-like,
I wonder:
What if my dreams mirror my waking thoughts?
How then do I differentiate?

In the end,
When the dust has settled,
All that matters,
Are the simple truths in a tangled web of complexity.
Nothing else matters...

Tempest

Life's like that isn't it?

A triple whammy in the middle of the night.
While a thunderstorm is raging outside,
(Making Furby frightened as hell),
An inner tempest is churning.

The electrifying and dizzying tumult outside,
Mirrors what I am feeling inside.

As long as you believe in me,
I will find the courage,
Somehow.

The storm has passed,
But the storm-ravaged land will still take some time to recover.
The sun will shine,
But time is still needed to dry up all the rain.

I Am Sorry

I am sorry for the hurt I have caused you.
I am sorry for the terrible words I have used on you.
On that fateful day - Aug 18th.

It had hurt me as much as it hurt you.
The words haunted me much longer than they have haunted you.
It impacts me right till now.
I replayed the scene so many times over and over,
Thinking of how I could have remedied the situation.
But I cannot.
For things have happened,
Words exchanged,
Insults traded,
Relationship charred.
I cannot undo the past nor the hurt.

The internal agony and sadness that I felt,
When I came to know about your pain and anger,
And how much I had hurt you,
Totally made the earlier issues I blogged about,
So insignificant and irrelevant.

I was relieved that you returned safely.
I was glad to see you.
I was happy that you called me on my birthday.
All these I did not convey.
Nor show.

Like everyone else,
I need to remind myself,
To practice what I preach.
For it is so easy,
To slip in the comfort zone,
Thinking everyone will be around forever,
And then taking them for granted.

Nobody will be.
They'll be gone before you can say tell them.
What you feel today should be said and acted upon today.
Tomorrow doesn't always come.
Sometimes not quickly enough.
A chance lost may not always be recovered.

Re-thinking what you said,
I am almost overwhelmed.
Yes, I agree.
I am a failure.
Of my own life.
This I admit.
And I seek to change.

I guess we both have the same kind of stubbornness,
And indignant righteousness in us,
To do such extreme things,
Than to bow to convenience.
Such personal pride.

Blood is always thicker than water.
I believe in that.
I also believe when no one believes in me,
You all would.
This is because I would believe in you,
Your character,
Your values and principles,
Over what anyone else says.

Dear sis,
I love you.
I really do.

Dear T

T,
I feel your pain of having someone close who chooses to doubt you,
At the first instance.
Love is a choice.
Choose to love.
Even if it brings pain and sorrow sometimes.
That's how we know we are truly living.

I have been behind this shield for so long.
What I feel and think,
All hidden.
The real me - hidden.
The vulnerable me - hidden.
No one knows the real me.
Sometimes not even myself.

I chose to open up recently,
To expose my vulnerabilities for all to see and criticize.
It's not because I'm stronger.
It's because I no longer want to portray just half the person that I am.
What you see is what you get.

Yet,
The more I reveal,
The more vulnerable I get.
And it doesn't help,
That it is at this precise moment,
I become judged.
By people close and near.
By people whom I thought should know better.
Ironic isn't it?

It's the same when you open your heart to someone else,
Whom you thought you can trust,
Who turns out to hurt you the most.

I can take this hurt.
I can take these transgressions.
For I had chosen to open up.
And I will continue to do so,
Step by step.

King Lear

In this age and day,
It takes just suspicions,
And not proof,
To destabilise,
The very foundation of a friendship or relationship,
Which had taken so long to nurture,
And of which so much had transpired and have been shared.

Is trust so old-school, passe and over-rated?
Is friendship really so fragile?
Are seeds of discord so easily sown between two friends?

People hear distorted truths from someone else who heard it from someone else,
And believe readily.
Does context matter anymore?
Does the protagonist have any say in things at all?

Here I am,
Standing accused;
A man more accused of than accusing.
I rage, I burn...
Ultimately,
I am saddened.
For which I hold at the most valued,
Is seen not with the same value.

A wise man sees not the same tree a fool does.
A friend judges not the transgressions of another friend.

I have not judged you.

Everyone can think what they want of me.
They are entitled to.
But to the people who matter most,
You should know better.

说好的幸福呢?

Of all things,
It all hinges upon a receipt.

From the ashes,
A phoenix always rises.

We look without seeing,
We hear without listening,
We feel without really realising,
We say without really thinking,
We love without really showing.

a little clarification