I Am Sorry

I am sorry for the hurt I have caused you.
I am sorry for the terrible words I have used on you.
On that fateful day - Aug 18th.

It had hurt me as much as it hurt you.
The words haunted me much longer than they have haunted you.
It impacts me right till now.
I replayed the scene so many times over and over,
Thinking of how I could have remedied the situation.
But I cannot.
For things have happened,
Words exchanged,
Insults traded,
Relationship charred.
I cannot undo the past nor the hurt.

The internal agony and sadness that I felt,
When I came to know about your pain and anger,
And how much I had hurt you,
Totally made the earlier issues I blogged about,
So insignificant and irrelevant.

I was relieved that you returned safely.
I was glad to see you.
I was happy that you called me on my birthday.
All these I did not convey.
Nor show.

Like everyone else,
I need to remind myself,
To practice what I preach.
For it is so easy,
To slip in the comfort zone,
Thinking everyone will be around forever,
And then taking them for granted.

Nobody will be.
They'll be gone before you can say tell them.
What you feel today should be said and acted upon today.
Tomorrow doesn't always come.
Sometimes not quickly enough.
A chance lost may not always be recovered.

Re-thinking what you said,
I am almost overwhelmed.
Yes, I agree.
I am a failure.
Of my own life.
This I admit.
And I seek to change.

I guess we both have the same kind of stubbornness,
And indignant righteousness in us,
To do such extreme things,
Than to bow to convenience.
Such personal pride.

Blood is always thicker than water.
I believe in that.
I also believe when no one believes in me,
You all would.
This is because I would believe in you,
Your character,
Your values and principles,
Over what anyone else says.

Dear sis,
I love you.
I really do.