Dear T

T,
I feel your pain of having someone close who chooses to doubt you,
At the first instance.
Love is a choice.
Choose to love.
Even if it brings pain and sorrow sometimes.
That's how we know we are truly living.

I have been behind this shield for so long.
What I feel and think,
All hidden.
The real me - hidden.
The vulnerable me - hidden.
No one knows the real me.
Sometimes not even myself.

I chose to open up recently,
To expose my vulnerabilities for all to see and criticize.
It's not because I'm stronger.
It's because I no longer want to portray just half the person that I am.
What you see is what you get.

Yet,
The more I reveal,
The more vulnerable I get.
And it doesn't help,
That it is at this precise moment,
I become judged.
By people close and near.
By people whom I thought should know better.
Ironic isn't it?

It's the same when you open your heart to someone else,
Whom you thought you can trust,
Who turns out to hurt you the most.

I can take this hurt.
I can take these transgressions.
For I had chosen to open up.
And I will continue to do so,
Step by step.