Weakness or Strength - A matter of perception?

Havent written a word for like days.
Coz i've got nothing much to say.
Why?
If i dig further,
I'll realised that i've got nothing to comment precisely coz i spent 3/4 of my time gaming.
The other 1/4 is spent sleeping, eating and plotting how to proceed to the next stage.
If i reflect further,
I'll realise that i'm doing so much gaming coz i'm avoiding something.
I'm avoiding the trouble of finding a job.
No doubt i need $,
But i'm procrastinating.
If i reflect further on this procrastination,
I'll realise something about myself.
For a guy who hasnt really done a hard day's work before,
(I'm discounting the temp waitering jobs and tuition)
It's really hard to get started.
It's nothing to be ashamed or proud of.
It's the circumstance of my life so far.
It's unknown territory really.
So i'm apprehensive.
If i take this apprehension and reflect further,
I'll arrive at something about me.
Something i'm not very proud of.
I'm lazy.
There is no moral to my 'further reflections'.
It's juz that when we have a strong belief about something,
Very often we shouldn't juz stop at that.
We shouldnt juz let this strong belief guide us subconsciously.
If we probe further,
Very often we'll discover something about ourselves.
The underlying reason on why we think this way.
The sub-text.
The main motivation that is fuelling this belief.
Sometimes this motivation is not a positive one.
In that i mean that this motivation could be unsavoury in terms of desirability.
So the key to reconciling our beliefs and others' beliefs,
I think,
Would lie in understanding ourselves first.
If we know why exactly we do something,
With all the underlying subtleties articulated,
And armed with this self-knowledge,
Only can we hope to accept others' differing opinions/beliefs/values.
On a side note,
When we believe in a belief/value/principle so much,
That it shapes our actions/decisions,
And make us give up something(s) precious,
Over time,
With experience and awareness and reflections,
We might come to question ourselves.
Why do i really believe in that?
What do i believe in that?
And we then weight the sacrifices that we made in favour of that belief.
What if we realise that the belief wasnt as steadfast?
Or that it was flawed?
Or that the belief wasnt worth the sacrifice(s)?
Wouldnt we be shattered then?
Wouldnt regrets fill our lives?
This is my biggest concern.
Not of any differing opinions.
Afterall, i can say with a degree of certainty,
That i'm fairly open-minded about such things.
To each his own,
I often say.
But sometimes i see the potential problems that might crop up.
And i do have to speak up,
And voice my concerns,
Especially if it concerns someone close.
It is such a fine line,
Between a true belief and false belief.
What one agree as true one day,
Might be perceived as flawed the next.
No doubt we need principles/values/beliefs to guide our lives and decisions.
I'm not questioning this.
I'm questioning blind faith.
I'm questioning the 'by default' adherence to internal beliefs.
I want people to reflect.
On their actions.
What are the underlying reasons?
What is it they are trying to hide?
Is it weakness perceived as strength or strength perceived as weakness?
Sometimes we need to be brutally honest with ourselves.
We might be afraid of what we might discover about ourselves.
A positive can be a weakness.
A negative can be a strength.
It's a matter of perception.
However, with regards to ourselves,
Since we know ourselves best,
It can only be one.
No matter how much we want to view it,
No matter how much we discolour it with our excuses,
It can only be a positive or negative.
Either a strength or weakness.
It can be both coz it is applicable to others.
But with regards to us,
There can only be one.
And usually it's weakness.
Otherwise, why is there a need to make excuses?
Why is there a need to hide behind a cloak of legality/morality?
Why is there a need to hold on to it resolutely without questioning?
Coz we lie even to ourselves.
All the time.
It's basically human.
The i'm lazy statement is not my final conclusion.
There's something deeper.
A weakness.
And it is preventing me from disclosing.
It doesnt want to be seen in the light.
In its nakedness and vulnerability.
In short, pls question yourselves and your actions.
We should try and remedy the root problem,
And not the symptomatic effects.
And i promise you it will be a hugely fulfilling experience.
Why?
Coz only when we understand ourselves,
Can we seriously try and understand someone else.
I do think it's likely that we dont attain a full knowledge of ourselves,
Due to the complexity of human minds.
But shouldnt we try to narrow the gap between ignorance, partial awareness and full knowledge?
Am i making sense?
I dunno...
I'm sleepy.
If i dig further,
I know that feeling sleepy is an excuse.
A way of absolving myself from possible contradictions people might find in my argument.
An excuse to gloss over the flaws.
If i reflect further...
STOP!
We do need to know when to stop.
It can be a vicious cycle, you know.