Why do i feel so sad?

Why?
Why do i feel so?
Why do i feel so sad?
Why does melancholy sweep me?
I'm trying to grasp the reason.
And yet,
It seems to elude me,
Whenever i get close enough.
Perhaps it is shy.
Perhaps it is afraid.
Afraid of losing its grip,
Its power,
Its meaning,
The moment,
I unveil it.

Perhaps it is actually they.
I feel there's more than one single deciding factor,
For this inexplicable feeling.
I cant even describe it.
Neither melancholy nor sadness fit perfectly.
Lemme recount my day.
Maybe i can find insights from recapturing the key events.
First thing i did in the morn was to play soccer.
Not on any old field or court.
I played on astro turf.
Synthetic grass.
It was cool.
But fucking hot.
The weather was a killer.
And i'm a cross between looking radiant and burnt.
Anyway, that was that.
Went home,
Then went to settle my passport.
It's juz typical old me to leave it till so late.
4 days before i'm to depart for Bintan.
Only now then i pressed the panic button.
Anyway, it was typical old me who settled it with some ingenuity,
Of which, i shall not reveal,
Lest some say i'm too 'modest'.
Went on a shopping spree after that,
Burnt and hot not withstanding.
Now this will be of interest.
The way i shop is pure minimal fuss.
I walk into the 1st shop,
Saw a pair of slippers,
Smiled at the salesgirl,
Tried it on,
Checked the price,
Paid,
And walked out,
All done in 5 mins,
But pissed off after stepping into a second shop,
And saw slippers of similar desirability,
At half the price.
It was a similar tale for my purchase of a cap.
T can vouch for it.
But the last item was a little trickier.
Walked past Oakley shop,
Rate the preference level for various sungalsses,
Make mental note to come back later with T for his opinions,
Met T,
Went back to shop,
Enquired about the prices,
Tried a couple on,
Flirted with the cute salesgirl,
Looked good in one,
Checked the price again,
And bought it.
Went for makan,
T and I agreed that the salesgirl was cute,
Decided to get her name and number,
Went to get her name and number,
Flirted with her again,
Mumbled and fumbled a little,
Still managed to do alright,
In my opinion,
Got her name and number,
But unsure if she gave me her Real number,
So planned to go back tomolo and get it from her again,
If it indeed is fake.
Watched Troy with J and T,
It was decidedly good,
One of the better ones i watched in a long long while,
Enlightened me a little more about the human condition.

So, that's my day.
The first time i felt so good.
The first time i accomplished so much in a day.
For a very long time.
I feel empowered,
But at the same time,
Lost.
Maybe it's the movie with its endearing themes.
Maybe it's the picking up salesgirl part.
That was more for the thrill,
Than anything else.
T thought it was mad.
I said: We should do something mad once in a while.
To ease the mediocrity and mundanity of daily life.
I was 'mad' today.
Maybe the sun fried my brain in the morning.
Maybe i decided to let go of my guard,
Subliminally.
Maybe i'm changing.
Slowly, but surely.
I hope i wont be singing to a different tune tomorrow.
I hope i dont have to go down to Oakley and be persistent tomorrow.
I hope i can continue this madcap personality of mine tomorrow.
I hope i can continue to change, for the better, tomorrow.

Now i know what i am feeling.
That indescribable feeling is now known.
It is an alien feeling.
One i'm not accustomed to.
One that flits around me,
Never really settling down for a while.
I'm smiling.
I'm grinning.
I'm mocking myself.
Yes.
I'm feeling happy today.
H-A-P-P-Y
A word i've almost forgotten.
Happiness.
An emotion i've long sought.
I look inward and i see radiance.
I see sparkles and beams.
I see a different me.
I see a different path.
The road less travelled.
And i shall call S tomorrow,
That's the cute salesgirl's name by the way,
And tell her she was part of a day,
Where i felt happiness,
In little packets,
And she's one of the packets.
Oh i shall.
Sweet dreams.