I will survive

Barely surviving.
With a sunburnt face.
And time ticking away.
Loads of things to revise.
And late nights spent revising.
Been watching a lot of soccer lately.
Played football today morning.
Slept the whole afternoon away.
Somehow, when there is a pressing need to study,
I can easily find 10 million things tt i wouldnt normally do,
And start having an urge to get them out of the way.
Like how i suddenly decided to clip my nails last night in the midst of studying.
Wednesday is the day of reckoning.
Juz got a few messages wishing me good luck and all the best.
They might not sound much,
But i really appreciated them.
Right now waiting for G and X to reach my house.
Taking the time interval for them to arrive as an excuse to put off studying.
This is so typical of me, isnt it!?
Anyway, i was watching a bit of the NKF show juz now.
And i am damn pissed at this show.
Once is a novelty, twice is still acceptable, thrice and the originality is lost.
But the bloody programme refuses to go away.
Bloody persistent in milking every drop of sympathy from Singaporeans who cant differentiate between helping the needy and donating to win a car or condo or cash.
The word Charity is not meant this way.
Besides, the bloody actors and actress are really good in their profession.
Even in charity fund-raising shows, they never fail to make good their god-given talents of acting.
Damn!
And the reason why they are on the show 'lending a helping hand' is not coz they really feel charitable nor are they compassionate or sympathetic about people's plights.
But rather, coz going on the show showed one's popularity as well as enhance that popularity.
This popularity can be seen from the amount of donations during one's stunts.
The more money pouring in means that the stunt had elicited more support.
This show is not about the bloody 'sacrifices' that the actors endured.
But rather about the pain that patients had to undergo.
We cannot really ever say that we understand their pain till we are in their positions.
So F**k those bloody hypocrite of an actor/actress who say they understand their pain.
NKF has got hundred of millions in reserve.
Now what does that say about the success of these so-called fund-raising shows?
For one, we wouldnt know how much of the money they collected would be used to really help needy patients.
Judging from the opulent amount in their reserves, it really makes me wonder whether NKF is a business organisation or a charity organisation!?
Besides, there are so many more charity organisation out there.
It juz doesnt make sense for one to be maintaining a monopoly over the contributions.
How about orphans?
How about people who cant pay their medical bills?
It is not all about patients with kidney failures.
And it pisses me off the way the show went about mis-informing the world that "all we need to do to show we have a compassionate heart is to donate generously."
And that " the kidney patients really need our help."
This show taps into the Singaporean psyche of donating for the sake of donating.
To make up for all the previous times where we didnt make a contribution.
To be able to sleep better at night.
To get a chance of winning that condo we've been dreaming of.
Afterall, good deeds pay off.
And in this case, we are in fact having a latent expectation for rewards for an act of charity.
If so, is it considered charity?
For Charity means something along the line of self-lessness and altriuism.
For what we give, we do not expect a reward in any sense.
Lastly, i'm still very pissed.
Why?
Coz i juz heard the hosts urging for more donations as the show approaches its end.
Why?
Coz the donations of hundreds of thousands is not enough.
Coz previous high standards of millions raised has been set.
So today's show will be deemed a failure.
Sigh...
What has happened to our society?
Does it matter if it's hundreds of thousands or millions?
The question one should ask right now is, if NKF is not a business organisation, then why does it bother so much about how much is raised!?
Remember, they have hundreds of millions in reserve.
It would take a freaking long time for these millions to dry up, assuming that all these millions are really used to help the kidney patients.
So whatz the big deal?
Bloody TCS actors!
It's not how much the show generated, but rather how the money is used.
Call me cynical.
Call me dis-illusioned.
But i seriously doubt that tonite's 'takings' would be used to alleviate the sufferings of kidney patients.
I even doubt, other than buying a few more costly machines for kidney-cleansing, what other intangible stuff has NKF done for the patients.
Caring for suffering and unfortunate people does not equate to splashing out on machines or other equipments.
No doubt, these machines are vital and expensive and not all could afford to pay the medical bills with such frequency.
However, my point is, other than the monetary side of the equation, is there a human side?
What about all those intangible stuff like caring for another with love and tenderness?
It's not all about $ all the time.
But sadly, life in Singapore, the place i call home, revolves around Money.
It permeates into every farbic of society.
It's in the eyes.
In the voice.
In the mind.
And being a part of this culture, how can i save myself?
How can i remain sane?
Do i deviate or succumb?
Do i forsake my idealism and put on the cloak of self-gratification?
Or even if i chose not to give it up, how can i say with certainty that the forces/pressures of society would not slowly but surely take grip of me?
IF i choose not to give it up, then how many more like-minded people can i find?
How many of my friends would ridicule and deride me for being not practical or idealistic?
"Wake up! This is the real world. Stop living in your dreams."
"See it in its ugliness and all its glory."