I choose to be Naughty

Oh yesh!
I've been a naughty boy today.
As those who have been irritated by me would attest.
I'm not apologetic.
So please spank me.
Think i'm cranky from my apparent lack of sleep.
With my incessant yawnings and fluffy eye-bags.
Sigh.
CM and cable tv is soo gonna be the death of me.
The bane of my life.
Actually it's juz me lah.
My usual lack of discipline has gained the upper hand again.
Which resulted in the worst CA result this sem.
Failed the bloody german test.
Maybe J is at fault too.
Coz we were both chatting happily when we really should be studying for the test next day.
Anyways, i feel that it was worth it.
Academic results to me are juz... academic.
It's pretty hard to understand my rationale.
Maybe it stems from me having things too easy throughout my life.
Didnt study for PLSE, still got decent results.
Didnt study for O's, still made it to AJ.
Never study for A's, still made it to NUS.
Always do my essays and assignments last min, still got mostly As.
Always study for tests half-heartedly, still passed most of them.
In a sense, this academic indolence reflects my character.
Want things to be prefect and sunny always, yet refuses to put in the adequate effort to realise them.
It's easy to be critical of oneself.
I call it self-deprecation.
I see my flaws, but i dont do anything about them.
I know what is to be done, but i never get down to doing it.
I know what i want, but i dont pursue them with all my heart.
Maybe that's why my love-life is in a mess.
However, this is one area which i have a steely resolve to make right.
So many wrongs wont auto-correct overnight.
Neither would hoping for Time to lend a helping hand ameliorate anything.
I made a decision a few postings ago.
I've stuck to that promise so far.
Hope my sentimental side wont get the better of my discerning side.
It remains to be seen.
"What good does it profit a man if he gained the whole world, and loses his soul in the process."
I've always loved and believed in this line.
Even though a Christian i am not.
For it transcends religion and race and creed.
It's not how high you climb, it's how you get there that matters.
I said this to my CO during an interview for the best trainee award in ASLC.
It was an obvious jibe at him, thus his shifty eyes when i mentioned it.
Suffice to say, i didnt get the award.
Coz nowadays, Ethics wont get you anywhere.
Especially in the military.
That's why it's ranked right at the end of the spectrum.
When the guys shout out the Loyalty to country, leadership, discipline blah blah nonsense,
Ethics is among the last to be shouted.
No doubt, Ethics is desired.
However, it is neither pressing nor essential.
It cant feed anyone, nor can it clothe anyone.
Why then is there a need for humans to have a moral conscience?
Having a moral compass doesnt always mean we do the right and moral things.
If we get an opportunity for unscrupulous material gain and we know that no one would find out,
There's a high chance(say 90%) that most of us would cheat.
So what then is left of the word Ethics?
What then is left for our redemption?
What then, i say, is left that is of worth?
Obviously, i'm an unapologetic romantic or a sentimental fool if you so wish to term me.
But my idea of romanticism or idealism does not border on being Quixotic,
Rather i border on the fine line between Practicality and the Idealistic.
So many times, i cross from one side to the other, juz to realise that i could have chose differently.
It's all about choices.
When a wrong choice has been made in hindsight, do not lament.
Do not regret.
Do not say: I should have...
Do not wallow in self-pity.(a little is ok)
Instead,
Choose again.
Have the inner strength and moral courage to choose again.
Choose.
Decide.
People who say they dont have a choice are being silly.
They come to this conclusion coz they dont choose to see the choices.
They choose to ignore the lesser alternatives.
They choose to escape the burden of the lesser alternatives.
So to all those who have unabsolved regrets, unrequited loves and vindictive longings,
Here's something to soothe your restless soul.

To see a world in a grain of sand,
To see heaven in a wild flower,
To hold infinity in your palm,
And eternity in an hour.
William Blake