Thy wheel hast cometh a full circle

Do i believe in Karma?
Two days after penning an entry on Fate and its intricacies, i feel as if i am facing the wrath of Fate and its ironic gaze.
Thinketh i have reached a new low in my life.
Sigh......
The bitter irony of life.
A climax to an already lousy day.
Had a lousy day in school, starting with being so damn clueless in German class and being hit with the realisation that i'm starting to lag in German liaoz.
Coupled with the fact that i am already lagging in most of my school work, in all my modules, with exams just round the corner and hastily done assignments.
The clarity of my school-related self-induced problems only served to make me think i'm subconsciously conspiring with the world to make my life miserable.
And this is just the school part of my day.
Reaching home isnt the brightest thing i've done today.
No doubt home is a place for weary souls to rest.
Now for the biggest and cruellest twist of fate.
I crashed my mum's car again.
And guess what!?
She juz had the previous scratches and dents on the left door fixed, and the car juz came back from the workshop. Today!
Now for the re-enactment.
Me was sending sis home for dinner.
Me was chatting with sis.
Me then tries to park.
Sis commented that my parking skills improved.
Crashed!
Me proved that her comments need to be reviewed.
Mum heard Crash!
Mum damn pissed.
Me damn pissed.
With myself!
So i went out (walked out) and withdrew 1k from my bank.
Gonna give it to mum later.
The problem here is that $ is not an issue.
Sigh......
i refer to my first post on......

Wednesday, February 11, 2004
8 Reasons Why Scratching A Car Results In Emotional Upheavals
The scratching took place more than 10 days ago, yet it somehow managed to stay fresh in my mind. Luckily, i'm the only son, and my mum is quite a magnanimous person. So all seems to be forgotten a day after the Incident. Anyways, she was damn pissed when i sheepishly told her of my escapades.
Reason being, 1st: It was a new car, bought less than a few mths ago.
2nd: Mum's trust in me has been shattered.
3rd: My confidence shattered too.
4th: Chances to drive might be few and far between.
5th: Expenses incurred in re-spraying the paint and 'un-denting' the DENT.
6th: In retrospect, my blatant disregard for safety (mine and others).
7th: My character flaw is reflected in my driving (as aptly pointed out by my dad).
8th: People's confidence in my driving ability, which is usually closely associated with male pride, or to put it crudely, my manhood.
Well.... We all learn from mistakes. And that certainly stifled my innate urge to speed and cut corners. All is well now, and what remains are ugly reminders on the car door.
- posted by Yaozhong @ 8:45 PM

Now for the 9th reason: Committing the same mistake again right after someone has just forgiven you is juz plain stupid. And silly. And idiotic.
10th reason: How can i be trusted to drive again? By parents and by myself. I dont even trust myself. How bad is my confidence then!?
Is there gonna be a lower point i can sink to?
I dont know.
Anything can happen.
And bad things dont come alone.
However, i am not gonna be defeated.
The older one gets, the more responsibility one has to carry.
I have to admit, i'm not one for responsibility.
But this is a responsibility i have to face.
Alone.
Gotta scrimp and save for the next 2 months.
Gotta get more than an earful when dad comes home.
Gonna endure my mum's unhappy face for the next few days.
Gotta be pissed with myself for a while.
Gotta start regaining that lost trust.
Gotta start being a student. Not a pseudo one.
Gotta start acting and working like one.
Not everyone has the chance of studying.
Besides, in a couple of years, when i start working, i know i'm gonna miss studying terribly.
Terribly.
Now for the only good thing that happened to me today.
Recieved an email from Y.
She had dinner with a few of us guys on Sat.
Turned out that she saw deep friendships and male-bonding juz from our banter and idle chatter.
Looking back, beyond the grasp of Time's tendency to erase, i saw memories that made me smile.
Memories that we laughed about time and time again.
The foolish things that we've done as teenagers.
Looking forward, i know there's more memories for me to come.
To share with this bunch of people i call Friends.
When one sees things in a linear and chronological order, everything seems to make sense.
For example, i know that in 5 yrs' time, my mum will be complaining to receptive relatives on how lousy my driving skills were and how i managed to crashed her car on the same day it came back from the workshop.
i would smile and grin wryly.
Coz all bad blood is forgotten.
Only the funny aspects remain.
Re-told and re-emphasized.