The Great Pretender
 
I ask myself,
Why do i do the things i do?
What do i actually pursue?
Sometimes i cant comprehend myself.
An unfolding enigma,
Which is articulated at once,
And yet a swirling disguise in another.
Sometimes, i think i know why,
Other times i think not.
I daydream too much.
My head's way high up,
Mingling with the clouds,
Obscuring what i should have seen.
The problem has always been me.
I'm always my worst enemy.
I sabotage myself,
At times when success is nigh.
I lie to myself,
At times when honesty is crucial.
I delude myself,
When all i need is to see reality.
There are more than two sides to me.
Multi-faceted i would say.
However,
Darkness has reigned for too long,
Hope has long been vanquished.
I dont hope nowadays,
Unless it's for some outcomes,
In which the dice has already been cast.
It's more futile hope than optimism.
A classic example of delusion.
Do i lose myself?
Or am i found?
If so, by whom?
On this road less travelled,
I stumble and fall,
Scraped my knees,
Bruised my hands.
Bleary-eyed i squinted,
At filtered images,
Ghosting past,
Taunting me.
I cant decipher,
The whispers of fleeting winds.
Forlorn and forgotten,
I stumble no more.
Weary legs refuse,
To obey an exhausted mind.
I collapse,
In a frazzled heap.
I no longer believe,
That i can make it out,
Of this encircling woods.
There i wait,
And prayed,
For the solace that my mind pines.
For the love that my heart pursues.
For the mastery that my body warrants.
Do i wait forever?
Or do i stumble on?