Jerk

I have been such a complete jerk.
It aint easy being the bad guy,
As i've always tried to play the good guy.
But where does it all land me?
Right where i've always been.
The wasteland of emptiness, disappointments and loneliness.
I've been told to buzz off and disappear for good.
Maybe i should.
But it wouldnt solve anything.
Sigh...
But as sure as the rain will fall,
I'm juz as sure that the sun will shine again.
Maybe the season's turning colder,
But i'm always here,
If you ever need me.
Right now,
In all these dark despairs,
I know there's a light,
Shining for me,
Waiting for me to reach out,
For its warmth and love.
I juz hope this light doesnt extinguish,
Before i reach for it.
For if it does,
The resulting total darkness might be too much for me to handle.
I'm holding on,
To this promise,
Of happiness and salvation.
But the day i reach out for the light,
Will be the day i'm finally prepared,
To accept its possible loss.
When?